FORT DODGE, Iowa —A man who tried to take money from a Fort Dodge textbook store didn’t get a single dime Wednesday after an employee pulled a handgun on the would-be thief. Discount Textbooks in Fort Dodge has a gun in the back counter. Jessica McDonald, 22, turned to that firearm for her personal safety. “I feel comfortable now using it, but I always said I never thought I would,” McDonald said. McDonald had just opened the store a few minutes before 9 a.m. when a white man between 50 and 60 years old came into the store and started coughing. He covered his face with a bandana and demanded money. “We were face to face, and then he, like, put the mace right in my face and said, ‘Give me all the money out of your register,’” McDonald said. McDonald said she got the gun out of the safe and pointed it at the would-be thief. She said she told him to leave the store and backed away with the gun pointed at him.
Ohhhh shit. This robber looks like a total dumb ass now. The laughing stock of the criminal community. He thought he had it all figured out. Probably been sitting and scouting that store like Omar Little for weeks now. Plotting and scheming as criminals do, waiting for his chance to pounce. He knew what shifts the petite little blonde girl worked and knew that was when he’d strike. She’d be no match for him. He’d put on his badass bandana, pull out his pepper spray, she’d squeal like a pussy (girls, right?) and run to the back of the store to hide and he’d rob the place blind. Easy money. Gotta pay for Memorial Day drinks somehow. Well not so fast badass bandana man. You missed the part where Jessica McDonald is a hardcore chick who feels comfortable pulling out a handgun and waving it in people’s faces. Didn’t see that coming, did he? Iowa girls: Hot as shit and willing to put a pistol in a would-be robbers face. Love it.
PS- I’m not gun guy. If I owned one I’d be more likely to shoot my own face off than any sort of intruder that came into my house in the middle of the night. I can barely plug in my laptop charger in the morning when I’m still half asleep, I don’t need to be handling any sort of lethal weapon. But with that said, if this Jessica chick wants to get all hot and bothered and put that gun to my head while we make passionate love to each other I’m game. Just putting it out there. It never hurts to try.