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The Threesome Pitch

—Hey man, you around this weekend?

—Yeah, I’m here.

—Cool cool.

—What’s up?

—Ah, well, I’ll be here. Same with Amanda. We’re both… we’ll both be here this weekend.

—Ok…

—Yep, so I’ll probably be with her.

—Makes sense.

—Do you… could you come hang out with us?

—Uhm, sure? You need me to?

—Kinda.

—Everything okay between you two?

—I thought so. But I guess… I don’t know anymore.

—What happened?

—Well, it’s a little weird. We were having dinner at River’s the other night. What was it… Tuesday? No, Monday. And everything seemed totally fine. But then she started asking me about you.

—About me?

—Yeah, normal questions at first. But then it was like she… like she was warming up? Like I could tell she was uncomfortable but also kind of enjoying it or something.

—Enjoying what?

—Talking about you. Thinking about you maybe.

—Huh.

—Yeah…

—You sure it wasn’t her food?

—The food was ok. Nothing great.

—Hmm.

—And then the questions got weirder. More personal.

—What? How?

—Like she asked me if you have to get your pants made special. To… to make sure there’s room.

—What the hell?

—Believe me, I know.

—I… I buy normal pants.

—That’s what I told her!

—Ok, so, then what?

—Then she asked about your old girlfriends.

—Christ!

—She wanted to know if they ever walk funny in the morning.

—What’s that mean?!

—I dunno man. Like sore maybe? Did they walk sore?

—I never asked them!

—Okay! Jeez, take it easy.

—This is really weird for me. Your wife was asking these questions? It’s awkward.

—How do you think I feel?

—Alright… alright.

—Anyway, I don’t really know how to put this, but she thought it might be fun if…

—Yeah…?

—If you wanted to join us. In the bedroom.

—Aw, shit. Dammit.

—Hey, this wasn’t my idea. Amanda wanted this.

—And you’re ok with it?

—I owe her.

—For what?

—I forgot our anniversary.

—So buy her something!

—I spent all my money on the pool.

—That’ll be worth it though, come summer.

—Sure was. Sure will be.

—So what do you want to do about this? I don’t really want to see you naked, with a stiff one. And your face like that. And your neck all tense. With veins and shit.

—Hell, I don’t want that either!

—Is there another way?

—I mean… I guess she didn’t really say I needed to be there.

—Huh.

—It was more about you.

—I see.

—So maybe you could just have a quick go, and then she could tell me about it or something?

—You’d wanna to hear about it?

—I feel like I should be involved somehow. I mean, she’s my wife.

–Right. True.

—You good with that?

—Wait, so I just go in and… and then we do it, and then she gives you a recap?

—Sure. Yeah, that seems easiest.

—What will you do?

—I got some work to do around the house. Gotta put the bird feeders up.

—Ok.

—Ok?

—Guess so, if that’s what you guys want.

—Great. See you Saturday.

—See you.