Controversial news coming out of the BICL today. Daytime TV host Dr. Phil came into Barstool HQ and was nice enough to attempt his first ever Ball In Cup shot. His attempt, while valiant, was a failure but we were more than happy he was willing to be a participant at all. However, in a sickening and shocking display, after the attempt he recklessly launched the BIC equipment into the air without a single care in the world. Luckily it was caught by an unnamed hero who we are currently trying to track down but, as diehard followers of the BICL know, the BIC equipment is the only one in the world so if/when the equipment unfortunately breaks, The League is over. Dr. Phil put the entire league in jeopardy with his disgusting actions today.
So I have no choice but to bring the hammer down and suspend Dr. Phil from the BICL effective immediately. I don’t want to do it but rules are rules. No amount of celebrity or net worth puts a person outside of the ironclad BICL rules. Dr. Phil will be suspended until the next time he comes into Barstool Sports Headquarters. It’s harsh but it’s what needs to be done in order to protect the league and its valuable equipment. How long will the suspension end up being? It’s really anyone’s guess. The suspension could be a week, a month, a year, 10 years or 100 years.
This suspension has the potential to be the most severe suspension I’ve handed out as my time as BICL Commissioner. The other longest suspension handed out was a 2-day suspension (Kevin Clancy’s original suspension before eventual banishment) so unless Dr. Phil walks off the elevator on Friday, his suspension will last longer than that. Serious misconduct such as this calls for swift and serious action by the league’s governing body. Hopefully Dr. Phil accepts his suspension with grace and honor.