The #1 Cookie In America Is Being Recalled For Causing Adverse Health Effects
WGN – Mondelez Global LLC is recalling 13-ounce packages of Chewy Chips Ahoy cookies due to an “unexpected solidified ingredient,” the company said.
The announcement said there have been reports of possible adverse health effects and that the recall extends throughout the country and pertains to Chewy Chips Ahoy cookies with a “best when used by” date of September 7, 8, 14 and 15.
The cookies should not be consumed, according to Mondelez. For more information about the recall, contact the company at 1-844-366-1171.
Let me start by saying I’m extremely (a) surprised (2) disappointed and (d) confused to learn that Barstool Sports has blogged the words “Chew Chips Ahoy” exactly 3 times in recorded history:
1. Clem said it was in his main rotation while reviewing the ever-rare Swedish Fish Oreo in August 2016:
Also just for the record, the Cinammon Bun Oreo is officially an “in the rotation” cookie, alongside Double Stuf Oreo, Mega Stuf (when you are really looking to get crazy), Chewy Chips Ahoy, some sort of Pepperidge Farm grab bag (when you are feeling classy), and the most underrated cookies in the game, Archway Dutch Cocoa.
2. Jgarcia050 left a comment 2 years ago on a Snackin Off Video Blog to let everyone know that CCA is actually middle of the road. Worth noting it was the blog’s most downvoted comment:
3. Pres blogged 183 words on regular Chips Ahoy vs. Chew Chips Ahoy in 2014
So this question was posed to me on twitter last night. I almost didn’t answer it because I didn’t even want to dignify it with a response. But I’m a man of the people so I tweeted back “Original Chips Ahoy duh”. Well I got to be honest. I was STUNNED by how many people started chirping that I was an idiot and saying Chewy Chips Ahoy were better. Listen I know this is a personal preference thing. I know you can’t theoretically be wrong choosing one or the other. I know only fools get in arguments about shit like this. I understand all that, but let me say this loud and clear. You’re an absolute moron if you like Chewy Chips Ahoy more than Original. Seriously this isn’t an opinion question. It’s a fact. Like it will get dark tonight. The Jets stink. Original Chips Ahoy are better than Chewy Chips Ahoy. Anything else is simply the wrong answer. If you think Chewy Chips Ahoy are better cookies I don’t think you should be allowed to breathe the same air I do.
Before digging into this I would have said the reason we never blog CCA is because it’s already widely accepted that CCA is the #1 grocery store cookie in America. We don’t talk about it because we don’t need to. We’re on to Cincinnati.
Well turns out I was wrong. Turns out the internet needs more intelligence on how CCA stacks up against its peers. Here’s the few that can fuck in the same conversation:
Double Stuffs
No shit. Don’t waste time here let’s keep moving.
Lofthouse
Dark horse. These are great from Valentines day thru the 4th of July. Not a big player around the holidays because that’s when all the homemade shit starts coming out of the oven. But not doubt in the cookie offseason, Lofthouse shows up every day with a purpose.
Milanos (Any Variety)
Mint, double stuff, extra thin, extra crunchy, whatever. The whole bag’s in play with Milanos. It’s certainly one of the most unique cookie experiences and always the best way to let guests in your home know you’re a fancy pants motherfucker. Imagine hanging out and someone’s like Hey do you want some Milanos? And then pulled out a fresh bag of Milanos. Do you respect that person more or less?
Keebler Fudge Stripes (Refrigerated)
Don’t @ me I love the elves just need these guys in the fridge because the strength of the underlying chocolate is a game changer. If left at room temperature the chocolate can get a little greasy. Play it safe and open up some fridge space you won’t be disappointed.
Keebler Fudge Sticks (Refrigerated)
Recurring theme with the Keebler chocolate is the stress it endures at even the mildest of room temps. Cold Keebler products are worth another 2-3 points in my book. Great cookie.
Pepperidge Farm Brussels
A close relative of the Milano, the Brussels presence on the list speaks to the power behind the Milano. Everyone loves chocolate sandwiched between two perfectly crisp wafer-like cookies. Only question is how thicc and perfectly toasted do you want your cookies? Brussels are notably more toasted and thinner than Milanos, but still focus on the relationship between chocolate and crunch.
Sugar Wafers
The OG cookie. Similar to pop tarts, you can eat several boxes and not put a dent in your hunger. The older you get the more respect a volume cookie like this gets.
Girl Scout Thin Mints & Samoas
Thin Mints in the freezer, Samoas in a ziploc container at room temp because you want them soft and moist.
The Duds: Don’t make a big deal out of this. Just a list of some cookies that are past their prime:
– Nillas – not even in the Great Depression
– Famous Amos – astronauts eat fresher cookies
– Soft Batch Chocolate Chip Cookies – biggest imposter in the aisle
– Fig Newtons – gross
– Keebler Pecan Shortbread Sandies – 9 out of 10 grandmas think this cookie sucks
– Snackwells Devil’s Food Cookie Cakes
What part of your childhood did I miss? Click below to bitch at me on Twitter