At long last, after 17 weeks of annoying our listeners with stories about overeating and then starving ourselves to lose weight each week, the Hard Factor boys have wrapped up the #HardFactorHardBody weight loss competition with pretty incredible results.
First off, we lost more than 200 pounds total, meaning that Mikey Podcasts is going to bleach his hair next time we go to New York… Gonna look super cool, Mikey!
OK, in this one we’re going first to worst, since the loser’s punishment is detailed at the end of this article….
#1 – Our Winner – Hard Factor Mark
61.6 Pounds lost / 22.3% bodyweight lost
The pictures really say it all, folks. Mark is a genius and planned to wrap up the diet contest right before 10+ days in Tahiti. Normally, I hate looking at other people’s vacation pics due to a sense of extreme jealousy, but in this case, Mark’s earned it. He killed probably 30 sweatshirts and 2 ellitical machines on his way to losing over 60 pounds, he’s also very good at fasting.
#2 – Hard Factor Will
64 Pounds lost / 19.5% bodyweight lost
Will still can’t control his eating whatsoever after about 5 drinks, but cutting back on booze, 2-3 days of intermittent fasting, and 4-5 days working out every week got him down 64 pounds from the start. Will claims he’s going to keep losing weight, but those close to him are rightfully skeptical… This guy’s basically a 300 pound yo-yo, but good work for now Willy.
#3 – Hard Factor Wes
45.7 Pounds lost / 17.7% bodyweight lost
Wes was somehow able to lose weight while not giving up booze, and not working out more than like 10 times over the 17 weeks. That’s right, this man knowns how to control his eating, and LOVES to party. We’re all a little concerned about the volume of booze going down over no food, but Wes is now looking sharp for the summer, so who cares!! Looking good, Wes.
#4 – Hard Factor Pat
34.5 Pounds lost / 14.2% bodyweight lost
Bringing up the rear, is Pat. Unfortunately there was no real prize for this contest… only a punishment, so Pat’s gonna have to take one on the chin for this loss. BUT, he did lose almost 35 pounds, and looks ready to attack this mating season head on.
As mentioned above, Pat is going to have to pay for his poor performance… and the listeners have spoken. Pat will be attending a Beto O’Rourke rally, sometime between now and the primaries, wearing a MAGA hat and playing the role of a big time MAGA guy. For anyone who listens to the show, you already know how bad this is gonna put his mind in a pretzel, but it should be awesome to watch on video.
Thank you for the support during the contest, we hope everyone out there is working to improve their health, and having fun all at the same time. Let’s keep this going, together, and watch Pat get bloody tampons thrown at his face, or whatever liberals do to MAGA peeps at their rallies.