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Dear Lizzy, My Ex-Girlfriend And I Are In The Same Friend Group... How Can I Move On?


Dear Lizzy,

My ex-girlfriend and I started as friends and then dated for a year and a half. Much like BR’s situation the other day, she still cares about me but lost feelings and decided she needs to be on her own. I felt as if I needed personal time as well so I understood and was receptive to the break-up.

We are both in a very tight group of friends and interact with each other indirectly via social media, and also see each other fairly frequently. Neither of us want to push the other away of our closest friends, but this makes moving on increasingly more difficult. How do I go back to being just friends with her?



Dear KR,

It’s clear you feel you’re in a very sticky situation where you can’t really make the right move for yourself without making others feel uncomfortable or forcing them to take sides. This is simply not true and your first step towards moving on is to remove this idea from your thought process.

Is it a tough situation? Yes. But does this mean you have to either (a) push away your closet friends in order to move on or (b) be completely ok chatting it up with your ex and hanging out frequently? No. There is plenty of gray here and that’s where you need to live… at least until you get over her completely.

For now, there is no going back to being “just friends” with her. It’s simply not possible, so stop trying to make it happen.

The good news is that you two ended on amicable terms and if she still cares about you, she’ll understand and give you the space you need. Talk to her and tell her this isn’t working for you. Ask her to stop communicating with you via social media and work out an agreement to spend time with your mutual group of friends, separately.

Then let your friends know what’s going. Make sure they know you’re not asking them to choose between the both of you or take sides, but that you simply need a little space for a bit. They will understand, and honestly, they probably already know how you’re feeling from just being around you the two of you. As long as you guys are both on the same page, they’ll be supportive.

HOWEVER, if you speak to your ex and she’s not willing to stay away from an occasional friend outing then fuck her! (I’m talking middle finger “FUCK YOU” not actually fucking her.) She broke up with you and now she’s completely heartless with zero empathy towards your situation? Maybe she’s not as wonderful as you thought and that can become the extra fuel you need to move on from her.

Honestly though, I really think if she knows what’s going on with you, she’ll understand. Break ups are tough and it’s likely she doesn’t want to be the bad guy as much as you don’t want to be the victim.

– Lizzy




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