M&M Slot Machines Removed From Stores Because Critics Say They "Normalize Gambling For Children"
The confectionery giant Mars has bowed to pressure to remove a product that dispenses M&M’s in the style of a slot-machine game, after MPs and academics said it risked normalising gambling for children.
The product, on display in the M&M’s World store in London’s Leicester Square, works like a one-armed bandit gambling machine, where users pull on a lever to make three reels spin.
I’ve had enough. The snowflakes of this world have gone too far this time. There is no denying that gambling is an absolutely frustrating habit. Ask Dave, Big Cat, or Stu Feiner. I even lost every dollar to my name when I was 18 years old playing Hi/Lo online at 3 am, so I wouldn’t wish a gambling addiction upon my worst enemy. But my goodness, this candy machine normalizes gambling? No, this candy machine normalizes having fun and eating candy, which I THOUGHT was what being a kid was all about.
Oh my gosh, how could Mars candy company ever allow such an atrocity? Eating M&Ms out of a fake slot machine is just the beginning. What’s next?
Thankfully, a cross-party parliamentary group has nipped this in the bud before it got too out of control by speaking up and sending a letter to Mars demanding change. Finally, we have found a subject that everyone can agree on: getting rid of M&M candy slot machines.
In a letter to Mars sent on Thursday, members of a cross-party parliamentary group on problem gambling said: “We have heard countless harrowing stories of how gambling addictions have ruined lives and brought misery to the families and communities affected by this addiction.
I think we’re making a pretty big leap here, lads. Sure, maybe gambling has been the cause of “countless harrowing stories” and has “brought misery to families and communities”, but this is not gambling. This is pulling a lever and getting a handful of candy. They have machines like this at every Walmart in America. You pay the money, and you get a try to win the prize. But if we’re getting rid of M&M slots, let’s get rid of these impossible bullshit machines, too.
And while we’re at it, let’s get rid of Chuck E. Cheese, Dave and Busters, and any other form of entertainment that kids have where they try and win prizes. They teach incurable bad habits! And I think we need to change the way we educate our children, too. I don’t know about you guys, but we learned how to do math in 5th grade by rolling dice. It’s how our school taught percentages and fractions. Playing craps! So I don’t know how I’ve turned out to be a functioning human of society, but I thank my lucky stars every single night. I guess I was one of the fortunate ones. This next generation of kids may not be so lucky.
