God Is A Real Bastard For Inventing Those Trees That Smell Like Jizz
Very few things are better than that first true day of spring. The day you can walk outside and know that you’re done freezing your dick off for the rest of the year. Sure, there are your random days in February/early March that Mommy Nature decides to tease you a little with some 65 degree weather. But you know that in a week or so, you’ll probably be buried under another snowstorm again. But there comes that day when you know for damn sure that spring is finally here and it’ll be nothing but outside beers for the next 4 or 5 months.
Unfortunately, however, that day also often coincides with the blooming of the Jizz Trees or Semen Trees or Cum Trees or whichever other variation of male ejaculate you prefer. If for some reason you don’t know what I’m talking about right now, then god bless ya. But I’m assuming that the majority of you reading this blog right now have stepped outside at some point over the last few days and it smells like you just got a gallon of jizz thrown directly your way. And it’s these goddamn trees out here just jizzing all over the place trying to ruin everybody’s first day of spring.
You’re outside trying to enjoy the first day of legitimately beautiful weather but you can’t even fully enjoy it because it smells as if somebody just dumped a load right under your nose. And there’s no mistaking it either. You walk outside and you know right away, “yep, that’s cum”. And not only does it smell like cum, but it’s an exorbitant amount of cum. It would be like if an entire city decided to ejaculate outside at the same damn time.
I don’t know. I just think it’s a little fucked up that god would invent a tree like that. He knows that we’re all pumped for the start of spring. He knows that we’re going to want to be spending as much time as possible outside after spending the past 5 months bundled up indoors. And then he decided to break these jizz trees out on us like that? What a sick bastard, man.