Stanford Sailing Tells Harvard Fencing "Hold My Chablis;" Reclaims The Spotlight In Operation Varsity Blues
Stanford Daily- Stanford has rescinded the admission of a female student whose application was linked with the bribery scandal rocking college admissions nationwide, the University announced on Tuesday.
The former student included fabricated sailing credentials in her application, which is grounds for expulsion according to University practice. Though she was accepted through the standard process and not as a recruited athlete, her admission was followed by a $500,000 contribution to Stanford’s sailing program paid through former head coach John Vandemoer, who was fired after agreeing to plead guilty for accepting donations in exchange for recommending non-sailors as recruited athletes.
The student, who has not been publicly identified, is no longer on Stanford’s campus, and her credits have been vacated by the University, Tuesday’s press release states.
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On Friday afternoon, Keith blogged the Harvard fencer whose father overpaid for a house to help his son gain admission. I don’t encourage you to read it. It’s a non-story. People can pay as much as they want for a house. The traditional route is to bargain down, but the housing market is robust right now. Prime listings move fast. We have no idea if poppa Zhao was overpaying to make up for a bad credit score. Or maybe (definitely) he was flexing his fuck-you money. Why pay the list price when you can pay almost double and let everyone know how well you’re doing? That shows weakness. You know who pays less? The poors, of which Jie Zhao is not.
Since the story broke, Harvard took down the kid’s athletic profile. So we don’t really know how good he was at fencing. BUT perhaps we can learn a bit from his older brother, Eric—a national merit scholar from elite private school St. Albans who became co-captain as a junior and earned all-Ivy honors. Sounds pretty fucking legit to me. And considering their proximity in age and similar interests (fencing), I’m giving young Edward the benefit of the doubt. Poor kid was the victim of a generous father and a bloodthirsty news cycle when all he wanted to do was fence.
FORTUNATELY, the winds of scandal shifted to fill the sails of Stanford’s team. A student fabricated her sailing credentials, which can’t be too hard? A laminated boating license maybe? Learn a couple seafaring terms? You may recall that Owen Wilson pulled a similar stunt to gain Chris Walken’s approval in Wedding Crashers, and nobody minded then. She was caught, given the boot, and we’re back to pointing our centerboards at Stanford and their hideously corrupt admissions’ process. All is right with the world.
The scandal has set in motion a cascade of changes at the University.
Varsity recruits proposed by coaches will now undergo a separate background check by a Stanford Athletics executive. Previously, only the recommending coach was responsible for reviewing such credentials.
Fuck the background check; put them through a goddamn sport-specific combine. If you can’t tack around a couple buoys, you’re not a fucking sailor. If you can’t fit your junk into one of those tinsel fencing costumes, you’re not a fencer. Doesn’t seem complicated.
By the way, if you’re wondering how I feel that Harvard was dragged through this, I think overjoyed would be the right term. Let me tell you why: Harvard lacrosse player hasn’t exactly boosted me in the likability polls. But now we’ve got illegitimate fencers, admitted through some whacky real estate nepotism scheme, making us poor regular athletes look clean and innocent by contrast? Thank you, thank you Zhao family! Shame on your privilege! I HAD TO CLAW MY WAY THROUGH LONG POLE DOUBLE TEAMS AND SNIPE SIDEARM BAR-DOWN CHEESE IN THE BARREN, UNVISITED COLDBED OF MAINE LACROSSE TO EARN MY PLACE AT HARVARD. MY PARENTS WEREN’T BUYING HOUSES FOR COACHES; I HAD TO GET IN THE OLD-FASHIONED, BLUE COLLAR WAY! FOR SHAME!!!