I dont wanna exaggerate but that’s my favorite Instagram account of all time. As many of you know, I used to be on the road to becoming a pastor. Before I joined the Marine Corps, I was a lowly seminarian wearing nothing but rainbow sandals and the occasional Converse flats whilst on a quest to proselytize central North Carolina and the greater parts of northern Florida and southern Alabama.
I wouldnt have dreamed about donning some fancy boy sneakers at that time. In fact, I wouldnt have dreamed at all because dreaming is a sin especially when that dream is wet as was often the case. Now? With my public speaking skills drastically improved and having more than 1500 hours behind a microphone during my employment with Barstool, I believe that I could be the television preacher of our generation.
If I ever get fired for blogging a picture that looks just a little too much like an actual labia (the entire pussy), I will repent of my wicked ways and preach my dick off at the biggest churches around. I wont be doing that in sandals this go-around, though. Partly because I have ingrown toenails like you wouldn’t believe and partly because I also follow @kicksintheoffice so I know a little something about #ShoeCulture now. Either way, it’s StuntinSZNForTheLord and I’m gonna take part just like these fellas on PreachersNSneakers. Came through drippin. Drip drip. Diamonds in the pulpit drippin.
Registered Flex Offenders. Crying Emojis.