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Grown Adult(?) Astros Fan Is Reduced To Tears Over Bryce Harper Bat Flip. "This Is The End Of The World"

You know what? I’m right there with ya, pal. This hot-doggin’, clown-showin’ son of a gun Bryce Harper needs to learn to respect the game. If there’s one thing that is going to save the baseball that we all know and love, it’s keeping the game boring as shit without any flair or drama. You know how all those young kids out there today love being bored to death. You know how they love to just hear the crack of the bat and then see a professional athlete lightly jog around a few bases. Heck, they probably just want to sit there on the porch sipping on some iced tea and just listen to the game on the radio. They don’t need to be visually stimulated at all. All they need is some unsweetened iced tea, maybe snack on some Cracker Jacks, sit back and just enjoy the sweet sweet sounds of the game. But if it were up to Bryce Harper, everybody would be out there doing a bunch of meth and fucking random strangers and saying “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”. All because he wants to flip his bat. This is the end of the world, folks. Prepare accordingly.

I’ll be honest–I’m still trying to figure out if this is just a shtick or not. But if it’s not a shtick, well then I’m going to continue to be on this guy’s side just because you have no idea what a man who cries over a bat flip is capable of. Last thing I need to do is find myself on the wrong side of this…passionate fan. Crying to yourself in the dark over a bat flip has some serious Ray Finkle vibes to it. So yeah, I’m just going to strategically avoid any future confrontation with this maniac and agree that Bryce Harper should be banned from the league. What a selfish and cowardly act to take all the fun out of baseball by flipping his bat. It disgusts me.

P.S. – Regardless of the whole “crying over a bat flip” aspect here, I do appreciate the heck out of this ricochet shot delivered straight to the soul of the Nationals.

I’m just gonna start referring to any and all losers as “Washington Nationals” from now on.