This Guy Who Won $1300 On A 14 Cent March Madness Parlay Is The Biggest Asshole In America

[ESPN] - A 29-year-old special education teacher in Asbury Park, New Jersey, Maselli is a sports fanatic and a recreational bettor with an unorthodox approach: He prefers to bet pennies on massive, long-shot parlays that require a bevy of selections to all be correct. He bets a lot of them, too, sometimes 10 10-cent parlays on a given night of NBA or college basketball.

Auburn cruised to an 89-75 victory. At 12:45 a.m., an email from DraftKings congratulating Maselli on his win popped into his inbox. He screamed, “Boom goes the dynamite!” after confirming he had won $1,345.78 off a 14-cent bet. 

Fuck this guy. Let me say it again with how I’m actually saying it. Fuuuuucccccckkkkk this guy. Listen, I don’t care about whether people win or not when it comes to their bets (except Dave. Please let him always win. That’s good for everyone).

But a fucking 14 cent parlay? I care about that. I don’t even really care what people bet. But, I do care when it’s under a dollar. That’s not even gambling. I don’t know what to call it, but that’s not gambling. You can’t be sitting there sweating out a game with a 14 cent risk. I don’t care if it ends up netting you $1300 that you’re putting towards an engagement ring. That’s not gambling.

Imagine if he got crazy and threw a $1 on that. I mean if you’re going to make 10 bets like this, why not do $10 a day? You know how nice of a ring you can get with $9,000 winnings instead of $1345? Pretty nice.

Imagine this guy with his 14 cent bet sitting next to this?

Wonder how quick he’d get kicked off the table?

This is also in no way me lashing out because I’ve gotten murdered during the NCAA Tournament. Not one bit.