There's No Doubt In My Mind Lolo Jones Is Still A Virgin After Watching Her Dance

I automatically assume attractive famous people who claim their a virgin are bold faced liars. Brittany Spears was getting outright STUFFED by JT when riding her moral high horse of chastity early in her career. There’s no way Timmy Tebow made it through 4 years as a Heisman and National Championship winning QB at Florida without accidentally landing face first in some puss or ass backwards on some dick (hammering the latter). Impossible. But you kind of have to believe Lolo Jones has never had sex after watching this stale crouton of a performance. And if she has, my condolences to whoever had to copulate with that dead fish. Far be it from me to make fun of anyone dancing. Other than killing the dice dance I’m Flynn White on Quaaludes out there. But at least I look like I’m enjoying myself.* Put a smile on the face and live a little, Lolo.

Carlton, on the other hand, dances like he DRIPS sex. No Tom Jones required, either.

*And by enjoying myself I mean hating every sober second out there and avoiding that awkward circle of dance death at all costs.