Surviving Barstool | Ep. 2 Premieres Tuesday 11/28 At 8PM ETWATCH EP. 1 NOW

St. Louis Is The Bold Thought Leader Of Society While Morons Complain About "Bread Sliced" Bagels

Every day I find something new on these internet streets that stops me in my tracks. Today was the fact that getting your bagel “bread sliced” from St. Louis Bread Co (or Panera if you’re unfortunately not in the Gateway to the West) was deemed weird or unusual. Honest to god I have never even considered this as being out of the ordinary, let alone the fact that people are acting like I committed murder for it. I’ve NEVER seen something so normal and unoffensive be treated with this type of hatred.

You would have thought we just debuted the “Peepza” or something!

Seriously there are politics tweets that get less hatred than someone suggesting a different way of eating bagels. I get that the internet is people just shouting their own opinions and condemning anything that is different from their own, but this isn’t your average offensive food opinion. Like its literally just a bagel, cut slightly differently… that’s it. You say “bread sliced” to the person at the counter, get a bagel and dip it in cream cheese instead of spreading it on the bagel… the exact shit, except the way you cut the bagel is slight different. What is the problem here?

Bread Sliced is a hundred times easier to dip in cream cheese and eat a bite at a time with it bread sliced. Getting a knife and doing all of the manual labor of spreading cream cheese on each bagel is for the birds. We’re past it and into the future. Since when is a larger, more cumbersome way to eat something the preferable option?

Screen Shot 2019-03-27 at 2.05.26 PM

You can get MORE cream cheese per bite with bread sliced and they are WAY easier to share this way. Say you get bagels for the office or a brunch party, everybody can grab a slice of bagel and partake without having to commit to a full bagel. There is nothing worse than the predicament of having a couple different flavors you want to eat but not wanting to eat 3 bagels. You might miss out on a potential cinnamon crunch bagel for the tried and true sesame or something basic like that. This takes care of all of that.

On a final note, guess what hateful masses, we didn’t set fire to every normal bagel slicer… you can get it that way too! It’s just an option for situations where you want it! That’s called innovation folks! The 314 just moved the culinary world further with no cost to anyone else. So stop complaining and just say thank you. I won’t allow this slander any longer.

As a St. Louisian born and raised… I would like to apologize – TO ABSOLUTELY NOBODY!!!!!!!!!!