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Mike Trout Is Simply Too Rich To Ever Accept Another Touchdown Ball From The Philadelphia Eagles Ever Again


So a little piece of news that flew under the radar this morning but apparently Mike Trout and the Angels have agreed to a 12-year extension worth $430 million. Personally I think the MLB seriously needs to look into the Angels tampering here because I just do not understand how they can offer a contract to a player who was already in the Phillies’ opening day lineup in 2021. But that’s neither here nor there. Because it would appear that the dream of Bryce Harper recruiting Mike Trout to come back home* to Philly was squashed by damn near half a billion dollars.

Now here’s the thing. You can’t fault Mike Trout for securing the bag. Even if this decision absolutely shatters Mac’s heart in the process.

You never, under any circumstances, turn down $430 million when somebody offers it to you. I don’t care who it’s from or what it’s for. If somebody says that they’ll give you $430 million, you take the money and you never look back. You ever wonder why the only people who ever say “money can’t buy you happiness” tend to be poor people? Because everybody who has a fuck ton of money is happy as shit because life is so much fun for them. Mike Trout is now one of those people and you cannot blame him for making the easiest decision of all time. Which is why he shouldn’t hear a single “boo” from anybody in the crowd when he shows up to Eagles games next season. The man loves the Birds and he was offered a contract that ensured that his kid’s kids will never have to work a day in their life if they don’t want to. If you boo a guy like that, you are a certified dumbass.

With that being said…I think we can all agree that he is now very much too rich to just be handed touchdown balls anymore. It was all fun and games when those balls could be seen as an advanced payment to get Trout to sign with the Phillies once he hit free agency. But since that day will never come, the time has come to an end. I know he’s good pals with some of the guys on the team and everything like that but maybe the Eagles should give those seats to Bryce, and then Trout can just buy his rich ass some season tickets up in a box suite or something like that. It would just be tacky at this point for a dude who is making half a billion dollars to be begging for a ball, ya know?

*Millville is not Philly. It was okay to pretend that Mike Trout is from Philly when there was still a chance he was going to end up on the Phillies. But we can now finally stop pretending that a town that is 45 miles outside of the city is considered “Philly”. Greater Philadelphia Area? Sure. But that’s pushing it.