What's With the Patriots Wide Receiver Situation, Anyway?

If you’ve ever read more than two posts of the millions I’ve written on the subject of tackle football, then you know I think that generally speaking, wide receiver is the most overrated, overpaid position not just in the NFL, but in all of sports. (Look at the last 20 years of Super Bowl winners and count how many had a highly drafted, big money wideout on them. There are way fewer Demaryius Thomases on there than there are Doug Baldwins and Victor Cruzes.)

And I’m not one to panic when the Patriots do their annual Free Agency thing where they sleep in, let all the other Black Friday shoppers rush in for the Doorbuster sales, then casually stroll in and check the shelves for bargains.

Those two things said, here is your current Patriots roster of wide receivers:

Julian Edelman
Philip Dorsett
Josh Gordon
Matthew Slater
Braxton Berrios
Damoun Patterson

That’s one superhero, a third or fourth option who did well the rare times he was targeted, a true weapon with bong water for urine, a full time special teams legend, a Hobbit-sized redshirt freshman and the lesser known of their 2018 receivers named Patterson. Even I, who devalues the position and think quarterbacks almost always make receivers and not the other way around, realizes that group needs a serious upgrade.

And the options are getting more limited by the day. Yesterday I received multiple reports that the Pats were going hard after Adam Humphries, even after he had committed to Tennessee. According to NESN, even offering him more money to pull an Anthony Barr on the Titans. But to no avail.

Forget Antonio Brown and OBJ; that was pure nonsense from the first second the ideas were floated. The dream of getting Danny Amendola back died hard. Chris Hogan is supposedly getting interest from the Giants, and I don’t know anyone who thought he’d be back. But other viable options have come off the board, like Jamison Crowder, Donte Moncrief and Tyrell Williams. Leaving us with what, exactly?

There’s Golden Tate, the highest rated Free Agent WR on Pro Football Talk’s ranking, their 31st overall. And he makes sense, in so far as he’s a guy with a couple of 1,000 seasons on his Greatest Hits CD. He produced a 105.4 Passer Rating when targeted last season. Still, he’s coming off a down year where he didn’t reach 800 yards, makes him the kind of Buy Low fixer-upper project they love. He also had three fumbles. And you wonder if the best plan for making a run at Ring No. 7 is attacking teams with an entire corps of sub-6 foot wideouts, plus possibly Gordon. But they’ve had a lot of those guys. And are talking to Tate, as are the Steelers. So stay tuned.

Here’s one strong possibility:

I’ve been told they tried to trade for Harris last year, so this could very well happen. He’s 6-3, so he at least gives them a body type they don’t have. Though with all due respect to him, a 3-year veteran with only 28 career games and 432 receiving yards (I’ll save you the math: 15.4 yards per game), isn’t exactly the kind of player you build your marketing campaign around.

Still, I’d take him. I’d prefer Tate. Even if he is just Pro Football Focus’s 42nd highest rated receiver. At this point I’ll take any warm body. Like we used to say when I was a courthouse hack, the passing grade work for the state is 98.6. Last year we got lucky when Gordon became available. And while I’m not worried worried, I don’t want to wait until the store shelves are empty and have to rely on someone else with a history of substance abuse to get dumped by his team. For the love of God Patriots, sign somebody. Now.