BREAK THE INTERNET: A-ROD AND J-LO ARE ENGAGED!!!

IT HAPPENED HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!

It’s about goddamn time! I’ve never been one to really care that much about celebrity relationships, but A-Rod and J-Lo are way different. They are the couple not of the year, not of the decade, not of the century, not of the planet, but the universe. I’m so happy for them. What a moment in the history of everything. A-Rod and J-Lo forever and ever. Wait a second, is Big Cat the best man? We live in a world where he’s probably invited to the bachelor party which is absolutely insane. The wedding is a shoe-in. What a preposterous world we live in.

I’m 25 and not in a relationship by any means, so I know nothing about rings and what’s nice and what isn’t, but goddamn that’s a rock. Probably costs more than what I’ll make in my lifetime. Don’t care. She’s worth every penny. I know love kinda died when Anna Faris and Chris Pratt ended, but love could not be more back than it is now.

Was this Instagram the one that did it? Maybe? Maybe not?

P.S. Please adopt me, for the thousandth time.