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Brooklyn Hipster Sets Up "NYC Apology Line" Where You Can Call Up And Confess All The Fucked Up Shit You've Done

Huff Po – A Brooklyn man wants to provide guilty New Yorkers with a road to redemption. The method? An anonymous, judgement-free hotline that will accept all their apologies. “I think forgiveness is a very powerful thing — and not everyone has an outlet for that,” the organizer of the hotline, who wishes to remain anonymous, said in an interview with the New York Post. “Some people can’t talk to family, don’t have religion or maybe they don’t even know how to forgive themselves.” The organizer has been posting flyers across the five boroughs since early this year. Brooklyn’s Ditmas Park Corner blog found a flyer and posted a photo to its website.  “I think it’s important that people can use the service without repercussions,” the 37-year-old organizer told the New York Post. The flyers state that the Apology Line has no association with police, the government, or any religion. Callers are met with an answering machine. Mr. Apology’s voice repeats the message from the advert and instructs the confessors to, “Leave your apology after the tone.” Once the new Apology Line has received enough confessions, the recordings will be played for the general public – though the organizer is not yet sure how to structure the event. The following are a few examples that Mr. Apology has already shared with the New York Post:

Man: “I would like to apologize to my ex-fianceé for leaving the apartment whenever we got into an argument. For staying in the relationship longer than I should have. For threatening to leave the relationship unless she sought professional help. For. . . looking at pornographic material while laying in bed next to her, secretly on my phone. For lying about looking at pornography . . . For not being willing to work on the relationship unless it was on my terms.I also want to apologize to my cousin for leaving her alone in a strange bar while I and a friend went to get stoned.”

Woman: “I [slept with] my best friend’s boyfriend . . . and she doesn’t know.”

Woman: “I stole something from the store and told the man f–k you, f–k you, f–k you but he never called the police. And I just wanted to say, ‘sorry.’ ”

Woman: “I’m sorry, Alexis. I shouldn’t have left you.”

Whoa whoa whoa. I thought this shit was gonna be for like confessing crimes. Like “Hi Mr. Apology line I killed that person in the alley last week. I’m sorry!” But look at that first guy’s confession. Apologizing to his girlfriend for watching porn and shit. If thats the case I hope the Apology Line has unlimited minutes because I could fill up an answering machine all by myself with my porn habits. I mean honestly you know how many things I do on the internet that I gotta apologize for? Almost everything I do every day. Its like when I used to go to Confession when I was a kid. Oh, how ironic that was. Sitting in something called a confession booth lying directly to a priest by not actually confessiong all the really fucked up stuff I did. “Bless me father for I have sinned it has been a billion years since my last confession. Father, I cheated on a test. I fought with my brother. I was rude to my mother.” Never mind the fact that I stole my mother’s Victoria’s Secret catalog and punished my dick like it committed a Mortal Sin. I just wanted to get my 3 Our Fathers and 2 Hail Mary’s, get a clean slate, and go back to misbehaving.

See thats the thing with this apology line. Its just gonna be like 90% dudes easing their own conscience by telling someone they cheated on their girlfriend. People just wanna say I’m sorry out loud and spit out a couple prayers and pretend they’re a good person again. No shame in that game.