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I Chained Myself To The Champions Plaza Statue Because Taylor Swift Didn’t Release New Music, Like I Promised

I’ll be honest this was the most confident I’ve ever been in my life about something. It was a GUARANTEE Taylor was going to release new music right up until she didn’t. So, I had to pay up. The full video will be coming out shortly but let’s just say chaining myself to a tree in the middle of a forest that no one had any intention of cutting down would’ve got the same attention. White Sox employees walked past me, the cops couldn’t be bothered as I screamed to them, and no one else ever came near. It was perhaps the most ineffective protest in the history of the world.

But I did it.