Dear Lizzy, My Girlfriend Hates My Girl Friend

Dear-Lizzy

Dear Lizzy,

I’ve been dating someone who was one of best friends for awhile now. Going great almost have no problems except for one…

She absolutely hates another one of my girl friends. I’m someone that always has had a lot of friends that are girls, always platonic. My girlfriend is the only one that’s ever broken that barrier.

I don’t really understand why she hates her so much. Yes she was annoying one time when she called me and I was with my girlfriend at like 2 am but other than that nothing.

If it came down to it I’d choose my girlfriend over my friend but I just don’t see how that’s fair. All of her guy friends she has are my friends too (not even from just hanging with me, they’ve all been friends since even before I knew her) so I get how she doesn’t have a true comparison for me to maybe hate one of her friends and get very mad if she talks to them.

As much as I love her and want to understand her feelings I truly don’t.

Help

Dear Help,

Your (girl) friend is a bad friend. One of two things is happening and both make her a shitty friend:

1) She has feelings for you and is hoping by being your “friend” you’ll one day wake up and find that “what you’re looking for has been here the whole time.”

2) She does not have romantic feelings for you but is jealous you’re spending so much time with your girlfriend so she’s trying to create a riff between you two by doing selfish, immature things like call you at 2 AM with the hopes of getting her friend back, full-time. It’s a bullshit move filled with the negative intentions.

If you’re a woman who is friends with a guy who has a girlfriend, there are certain rules you have to follow in order to maintain your friendship and not make partners feel uncomfortable. Does it suck sometimes things can’t exactly as they were before the gf? Yes, but that’s all part of growing up and not being a shithead friend. The vast majority of my friends have always been guys and I would NEVER call them at 2 in the morning if they had a girlfriend. Period. It’s disrespectful to their lady and would very quickly lead to her hating me. Rightfully so.

Your girlfriend is smart and knows something’s not right, and she’s spot on. In fact, considering SHE was once your “friend” those were probably her moves so she’s quick to recognize them when someone else is pulling them.

Sorry but it’s likely you and your “friend” can’t really be as close as you once were since the damage has already been done in your gf’s eyes (and women NEVER forget). But you can try. Talk to your lady and tell her you understand where she’s coming from, admit that what your “friend” did was shady, and tell her that you’ll talk to her to make sure she never does that again.

DO NOT tell your girlfriend she is being dramatic.

DO NOT tell her she’s wrong about what your “friend” is feeling or doing.

That is NOT how you get out of this alive.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I’ll talk to her.”

Your girlfriend will feel heard, understood, and prioritized and maybe – and that’s a big maybe – she’ll let it go.

But prob not.

– Lizzy