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Dear Lizzy, My Girl Suddenly Broke Up With Me And Now She Won't Talk To Me Or Stop Partying

Dear-Lizzy

Dear Lizzy,

I had been dating a girl for 2 years shes a year younger than me and went to college in a different city then me this year. We dated all the way through the holidays and she bought me a watch for Christmas that she engraved “For Always Love, (Her Name)”. She then broke up with me a week after Christmas because she “didn’t know what she wants anymore”. Before this we had talked about splitting up but it always came back to we just couldn’t and she always talked about how it would kill her to see me with someone else. Since then she will not talk to me at all and is partying every single weekend, but I don’t know what to make of any of it. What does any of this mean.

Thanks,
I’m a fucking mess

Dear I’m A Fucking Mess,

Damn.

I don’t need to be the one to tell you your situation sucks, but sometimes that helps: your situation sucks and I totally understand why you’re a fucking mess. You have every right to feel like shit about it.

BUT (you knew a but was coming)…it sounds like the end was coming soon, even if you didn’t want to accept it as the truth. Once you start talking about breaking up and saying lines like, “Oh but it would kill me to see you with someone else,” it’s over. Guess what? She doesn’t have to put herself in the position to see you with someone else. She is CHOOSING to put herself in a situation where you will be with someone else, because she no longer wants to see herself with you.

It’s a bullshit line right up there with, “I’m not good enough for you.”

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The reason she’s not talking to you now is because you guys HAVE talked about it and decided to stay together. She doesn’t want to hear you say you’ll change XYZ and she doesn’t want to give you any more excuses or lines because to her it’s over. There is nothing you can say that will get her back because she doesn’t want to come back.

I get that you want closure and feel the relationship deserves a graceful, loving ending, but she’s not going to give that to you.

Instead she’s giving you the best possible gift: space. It is impossible to fully get over someone if you’re talking to them all the time, so use this space to clear your head. Don’t worry about what she’s doing on the weekends, she’s free to do what she wants and frankly, you should be doing the same.

Also, stop looking at the watch as a symbol of how she wants to be with you. It’s not. What she should have engraved it with was “it’s been real.”  If she was “for always love” (?) then she’d be there.

Her absence is the only symbol you need.

Sorry man.

-Lizzy