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Scientists Have Recently Discovered That The Emperor Nero Looked Like A Soy Boy Little Bitch

*Crying Emojis* Fam, who did this to Nero?

My opinion on Nero changed in the blink of an eye. For nearly 4 decades (I’m 36) I thought Nero was the insane ruler who was in charge of the Roman empire based on his tyrannical practices mixed with his battlefield acumen. After a quick glance at this bitch boy’s bust, this ole Ronald Weasley head ass ruler was just a scared little bloke acting out ala Ramsey Bolton without the dogs.

Without the family line, this chub chub wouldn’t have accomplished anything. A Ginger? LOL

Let’s get a little background on our sweet, doughy boy*. He was adopted by his great-uncle Claudius and became Claudius’ heir and successor. How far down the family line do you have to get before you are adopted by your great uncle? He must have been a little shit. Grandma didnt want him. Mom didnt. Dad sure as shit didnt. Uncles? Aunts? Finally, because he would have been tossed on the street like some common street trash, his great uncle stepped in but not without roasting his husky jeans wearin ass.

“Wrap some meat around Nero’s neck so the dog will pay him some attention,” said Claudius.

“Claudius!” said his wife while pouring a glass of mead.

“Nero knows I’m just kidding,” he said while laughing. “The dog still wouldn’t pay him any attention no matter how much meat was around his neck.” The entire Roman Army bursts into laughter which for just for one moment takes their minds off of pillaging villages and being a plague on humanity.

There is no decent way to end this blog because Nero killed himself. Probably because of all the bullying which is why I would never bully and I encourage you do make that pledge as well.

*one of the worst people in recorded history