Chicago Tribune Asks: What's The Deal With Squirting? Yes. That Squirting.

Screen Shot 2019-02-25 at 9.03.51 AMAlright buckle in things are about to get pretty weird.

The Tribune owns another paper in Chicago called The Red Eye. It’s a free paper basically for commuters with a slight emphasis on younger happenings in and around Chicago. It’s got a fantastic entry-level crossword series and the most heavily trafficked Sudoku puzzles on your Metra.

CBHvkNuUkAEUeDX10 Across. 4 letter word for Skin Irritation and it’s not “Rash”

Another feature of The Red Eye is a weekly column called Ask Anna where the resident Sex Expert, Anna Pulley, answers a reader question about relationships/sex/fluids. It certainly seems that Anna enjoys her work:

She wants to solve your relationship dilemmas, for you to have toe-curling, insecurity-free sex and to learn how to talk to anyone, even if you’re shy and awkward… She has been described as “the Kanye West of lesbian writers,” which she is pretty sure is a compliment.

Anyways, we’re here today because Anna recently published close to 500 words on Squirting and it’s worth exploring in vivid detail. You see, normally Anna hands out advice on the softer part of relationships, like rekindling that lost spark with your wife, or how to get laid without a job (kinda).

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Screen Shot 2019-02-25 at 10.54.16 AMDear Anna my name is Carl and everyday I wake up with a boner. Am I too horny? 

To the column!

Dear Anna,

Can you tell me about female cumming/squirting? What is it exactly? Am I really just peeing myself? Is it common? It feels amazing.

You might find it weird that the reader is asking a complete stranger, but it actually makes sense. Getting *answers* about squirting from Google has to be impossible. For every scholarly article there’s another 100,000 FREE SITES CLICK HERE NOW.

Can I ever! Let the flood gates open, ’cause there’s a lot of misinformation regarding female ejaculation/squirting.

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Female ejaculate is liquid expelled from a woman’s urethra (where pee comes out), sometimes when they orgasm, but not always. What is in it? Technically, “female ejaculate” is a small amount of …

I had to edit this paragraph because *BARFS* there’s a line in there about the accumulation of milky white something. I can’t remember. Too much science talk and I’m not mature enough to wade through the details.

Confused yet? A 2011 study of one woman’s ejaculate found that these two fluids (the squirt and the ejaculate) were both present…

More science. Thank god.

Specifically, “A clear and abundant thin, watery liquid…

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This is not going how I expected. Not the information I’m seeking.

It might be easiest to think of female ejaculate the way we think of male ejaculate. When men ejaculate, we don’t equate it to “wetting the bed,” even though the bed can often become wet in the process. So even though the squirt comes from the bladder, rest assured you’re not peeing yourself.

You didn’t notice but Anna used the word Ejaculate as both a noun and verb in the same paragraph. In comparison, I cannot think about the word ejaculate without giggling my way back to junior high.

In fact, the body works to prevent us from peeing while sexually aroused — thanks, body! What happens is this: *MORE SCIENCE*

If you’ve ever tried to pee post-orgasm and found it hard to do so, that’s why.

It’s also hard because I’m not lifting the seat up, the bathroom’s pitch black and I’ve got an evening’s full of responsible Miller Lites backloaded in my piss bag.

People with penises have a prostate very close to the bladder, which contains seminal fluid (ejaculate without the sperm). When they are turned on, the prostate swells around the urethra, also preventing them from peeing.

“People with penises” is the most Welcome To 2019 thing you can say. Back in my day we just said Dudes.

Despite the prevalence of squirting in porn — if you haven’t seen “White Water Shafting,” you simply must! —research on female ejaculation is still scant, so it’s not clear why some women seem to be able to ejaculate easily and often and others don’t, but many sex researchers and educators think most women are capable of it.

Hear that guys? You’re just not trying hard enough. Don’t be that one guy who hasn’t figured it out yet. Download White Water Shafting immediately and get your MasterClass™ started.

All of that is to say, congrats! I’m glad it feels amazing and is another tool in your arsenal of sexual pleasure. Enjoy it.

Thank you. Personally I can’t squirt because I’m one of the people with a penis you mentioned. But I’m definitely more prepared for an AP Biology quiz on the mechanics of gushing. As they say knowledge is power and you have made all of us stronger.