A Reminder That All Wayne Gretzky Stats Are Laugh Out Loud Funny

Last night this stat trickled across my TL and, much like every other Gretzky stat I’ve seen, it made me shake my head and laugh. Like what the fuck are we even talking about. I’m a basketball guy so I’m very infrequently paying attention to what’s going on in the NHL. If you asked me how often people had 20 point streaks I’d guess every once in a while. A big time offensive guy racking up an assist or an assist to an assist or a goal 20 straight games, sure. Why not. Doing it twice in a career? Apparently very elite company. Hall of Famers only. Thrice? Brett Hull. Four times? Lemieux and Lemieux only? FIVE times? Never. Six? No thank you? 7 and/or 8 times? Pffft. Impossible. This sociopath Wayne Gretzky had NINE separate 20-point streaks. Do it twice and you’re a Hall of Famer. Do it FOUR times and you become immortalized in Pittsburgh. You’re also not even half way to the all time record. Preposterous.

Like I said I’m a basketball guy. I start paying attention to hockey when the Bruins are in the playoffs and pretty much exactly zero other times. But a couple times a year a stat comes across my desk and, without fail, Gretzky is mentioned. Doesn’t matter what it’s for, he’s always fucking there. It’s insane. One time I was talking to Feits about these and he told me that Gretzky once said he was tired of playing hockey when he was like nine years old or some shit. Like he had already realized he was way better than everyone else and that wasn’t going to change ever no matter how hard everyone else tried.

Most goals in a season, Gretzky has the top spot (92), the second spot, and then two more additional spots in the top 10. A fifth of his professional career accounts for four of the top 10 list of the most goals in a single season. What does that even mean.

I’ve never been able to wrap my mind around this one, either.

Like just remove all of his goals, of which he has more of than anyone else, and he still accounted for more points than anyone else who had ever lived. I know I’m not telling anyone anything new. This just feels like something that should be talked about every day. It shouldn’t lead off the evening news or anything like that. But it should probably come before the first commercial break.

Apparently three of these seasons were consecutive. Sure. Why the fuck not. I’m being told what is considered a very good season is around 110 points. So, I officially have no idea what the hell is going on.

Much like Usain Bolt, Gretzky’s biggest competition was always himself. “Hey, I did that with ease and aplomb. Let’s see if I can do it faster with as much ease and even more aplomb the next time around.”

This decade, we have witnessed six 50-goal seasons. They all required at least 75 games to accomplish this feat. Ovi did it three times, Corey Perry did it once, Malkin did it once, and Stamkos did it once. 39 games isn’t even half the goddamn season. I don’t know what kind of witchcraft Gretzky was engaging in, but clearly it worked tremendously. I could go on and on with absurd Gretzky stats, but I don’t know if our website is strong enough to compute that many numbers in a single blog.

PS – Had to include this one just tweeted at me because it has me on the floor.

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378 goals is the funniest thing I’ve ever read. If I could go back in time and witness any sporting event live it wouldn’t be some Super Bowl or World Series or NBA Finals. No no. It would be Wayne Gretzky’s pee wee year where he hung 378 goals on every small child in the district’s dome.