You Might As Just Well Cancel Your Gym Membership If You're Not Training With A Sword These Days

Oh what’s that? You can bench press 275 lbs for 6 reps without a spot? Congratulations, buddy. A lot of fuckin’ good that’s gonna do ya when we’re under attack and literally fighting for our lives. What are you gonna do? Bench a guy to death? Get real. Yeah I’m sure those Romanian deadlifts are going to be super lethal when your bitch ass gets caught by whatever this man over here is training to fight.

That’s the thing I really hate about the gym. It’s all these juiced up assholes in there doing a bunch of workouts that really have no real-life application. Being able to bench press a shit ton of weight isn’t going to drastically improve your ability to survive. Being able to load the bar up with 315 lbs in the squat rack isn’t going to stop you from getting murdered. And don’t even get me started on the jackasses who spend 2 hours in the gym everyday and 110 of those minutes are spent doing bicep curls. It’s just not functional at all. I get that you may look better on the beach in the summer with your shirt off but what good is that going to do you when you actually need to battle?

Which is why this man over here has the right idea. He’s not in the gym to become the best lat pull downer in the world. He’s not trying to win any awards for exercising. He is simply in there out of necessity for survival. These are functional exercises. These are the types of workout routines that everybody follows. You and your post-workout protein shake can go take a hike for all this man cares. If you’re in the gym, you are training for survival. Anything less than that and you’re just taking up space and wasting this man’s time. Just cancel your membership and enjoy being vastly underprepared for when shit starts to hit the fan.