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Cops Get Into a Tense Standoff with a Star Wars Stormtrooper Statue

SourceThe California Highway Patrol tried to pull over a Ford Mustang for speeding on Sunday night, but the driver sped off. He wound up pulling over on a side street and he and his passenger ran away on foot, but the cops quickly tracked them down.

There was still a guy in the backseat of the car, though. The cops repeatedly told him to come out, but he wouldn’t move.

So the cops slowly approached the car with their guns drawn and they found the “guy” in the backseat was actually a life-size statue of a “Star Wars” stormtrooper.

Now the cops are trying to figure out if it was stolen.

Altogether now … “The thing about a Stormtrooper is that if you get into a shootout, you know he’ll miss! [Rimshot!]”

Rimshot

There you go. The obvious, low-hanging fruit of Star Wars-related comedy is out of the way. That joke has been to the last couple of generations what “What’s the deal with the Star Trek crewmen in the red shirts always getting killed?” and “The Professor can build a nuclear reactor out of coconuts and palm fronds, why can’t he just fix the boat?” was to earlier generations. A 9.9 reading on the Hack Comedy Scale.

But that said, as much of a timid, cowardly pussball as I admit to being, I think if I was in law enforcement and came across what I thought could be a guy in a Stormtrooper outfit, I don’t think I’d feel the least bit threatened. It’s just the way I’m wired, based on the 100,000 viewings of all Star Wars movies, animated series and kids toys going all the way back to when the first movie hit theaters. That of all the archetypes that would scare the ever-living bejeebers out of me if I encountered it on a dark street – hillbillies, clowns, Nazis, aliens, demons, ghosts – I’ve been trained over the decades that Stormtroopers are just not scary.

This occurred to me a couple of weekends ago on a Saturday afternoon getting Shawshanked by Episode IV: A New Hope for the thousandth time. The supposedly most menacing and terrifying fighting force in all of nerd culture is never once a threat. Not from the moment this guy smacks his head and they didn’t even bother to do a second take:

And it’s entirely George Lucas’s fault. The hacky joke about how they always miss aside, find me one moment when they are ever accomplish a task. Just one. Capture someone and keep them locked up. Carry out a death sentence. Win a battle. Across what is now 10 major motion pictures plus the animated Clone Wars and Rebels, video games, books and dozens of other platforms that are all supposed to be canon, they never succeed in scaring anybody. You can get away with that a time or two. But when it’s the constant state of things, that’s just shitty storytelling.

Pardon my geek rant in the middle of a cute story about cops arresting some weirdos driving around with a statue in their back seat. But it’s been bothering me a lot lately. Not as much as why at the end of A New Hope the Death Star has to wait for the Rebel moon to come around the planet before they destroy it, instead of just blasting the planet into space gravel. That one will never stop bothering me. You suck, George Lucas. You really do suck.