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Lil Xan Is Going To Be A Father!

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WOOOOOOOOOOOOW

Lil Xan is going to be a father! Happy for them! Incredible news on a Monday morning. Congrats to Lil Xan and *checks notes* not Miley Cyrus’s sister! Xan moved on from Noah Cyrus and immediately put a baby in somebody else. What a world. I have a lot of questions for a girl who’s willing to go raw dog with Lil Xan. No judgement, just questions.

What do you think the gender reveal is gonna be? Split a giant Xanax pill in half and have pink or blue powder come out? Maybe get a face tattoo and that says Boy or Girl and reveal it that way? The possibilities are endless. I’m not kidding when I say I can’t wait to see what Lil Xan and his baby mama do for a gender reveal party. It’s gonna be must watch stuff.

Real talk though, fatherhood is gonna beat the shit outta Lil Xan. I’m not a dad so I don’t know anything about it but I know it’s gonna whoop the shit outta this dude. A few months ago the guy went to the hospital after eating too many Flamin Hot cheetos and now he’s gonna be a dad? Not great. You can’t get hospitalized by a chip and also be ready to be a dad.

Why all the broken hearts in the caption by the way? Weird choice for a pregnancy announcement. “I’ve never felt more happy in my life (BROKEN HEART)” Broken hearts are all over the place. It’s probably  something the kids do that I don’t get. Also, BE SAFE is now an ironic name for Lil Xan’s album. Whatever. I’m happy for these crazy kids.