Don't Whine About Valentine's Day, It's Not Fun For Almost Anyone

It drives me crazy when people talk about Valentine’s day as though it’s this universally important holiday. Fact: it is not. It only matters for about 35% of the population, the 35% that’s in that “oh my god, I’m so in love with you I might die if you leave the room to take a shit” phase of a relationship. There isn’t any other reason to even blink about it.

Think about it. When you’re totally single, Valentine’s day is just another day. Maybe it’s at best an excuse to get really drunk, but otherwise, your life isn’t going to change on Valentine’s day. If you’re extremely wifed up to the point where you’ve been dating for 3 plus years, Valentine’s day doesn’t mean anything to you either. It’s just another day to love each other. We get it, you’re in love.

If you’re ~talking~ to someone, but it’s not official, Valentine’s day suddenly carries more weight, but just in that it suddenly becomes super weird to even speak to your “person”. If you say what’s up, does that actually just mean “I love you”? That’s what I would assume! So you have to just pretend the day isn’t even happening. It’s gotta be meaningless to you, too.

If you’re definitely ~with~ someone, but you’re not official, you also have to not care about Valentine’s day. You can go on a date, if you HAVE to, but you’ve got to be tongue-in-cheek about it. Act like you’re sarcastically going on a date, even though you guys actually do care about each other in some respect. The better move would honestly be to just hang out like you normally do and not even mention the v-word.

If you’re in the honeymoon phase of a relationship, go nuts! Do the flowers, the candy, the annoying instagram posts. Go to a fancy dinner and make sure every single person knows you’re at that dinner. Go ahead! You’ve earned it! This only applies to the first 3-6 months of a relationship. If it’s been any longer or any less, you don’t get to go over the top.

Bottom line, if you’re not one of the very few people in that honeymoon bracket, today is just another day. But if you can’t mentally swing that, you can just get very very drunk with me at my Valentine’s party tonight! Ainsworth on 26th street in NYC, drink deals, let’s fuckin goooo. Happy Valentine’s day kids!!