-What happened to people with bad eyesight before glasses were invented? First pair wasn’t invented until like 1200. Before that, did some people just walk around with constant blurry vision? That must have sucked.
-I don’t understand why people get annoyed when your hands are wet after getting out of the bathroom. If you shake their hand, or high-five, or something, they’ll say “Ew your hands are wet.” Like no shit, I just washed my hands. That means they’re clean. If someone’s hands were dry, there’s a chance it’s because they dried them. But there’s also a chance they just didn’t wash their hands. So you’re just touching his dick germs. Gross.
-If I ever have a meeting (I usually don’t), I try to schedule it for 12 PM. That way I can walk around and tell everyone “I have a nooner.”
-When someone says breakfast is their favorite meal of the day, I immediately judge them and think less of that person.
-If I ever go to a bar in the Meatpacking District where there’s tons of guys and few girls, I’ll say “Now I see why they call it the Meatpacking District!” and chuckle.
-Some people used to say Justin Bieber’s song “Love Yourself” was about Selena Gomez. I disagree. Towards the start, JB sings “And all the clubs you get in using my name.” It’s highly unlikely that Selena Gomez, a pop superstar herself, would need to drop Justin Bieber’s name to get into clubs. Bieber is the bigger star, but Selena I’m sure has no problems getting into clubs herself. Hence, the song cannot be about her. Case closed. (Also Ed Sheeran wrote it, but the club line was the real giveaway for those with a brain).
-I was listening to the song on my train ride home the other night. It jogged my memory to include that thought, which I’ve had for awhile, in my next column. So I went to my iPhone notes pad to mark it down. I wonder what someone on the train would think if they saw a 22-year-old male randomly and frantically open his notes just to type out “Love Yourself is not about Selena Gomez” and then put his phone away.
-I was at a pub recently and ordered burger sliders. It came as 2 medium sized burger instead of 3 smaller burgers. Took me for a surprise. That should have been clarified on the menu. Most people would expect the default to be 3 burgers unless otherwise specified.
-When I’m at a restaurant and the server comes with our entrees but doesn’t know who got what (either can’t remember or it’s not who took the order), I like to point out who’s it is.
Waiter: “Alright who got the chicken cacciatore?”
Me (pointing to friend): “Oh that’s him.”
It’s helpful, shows I’m observant, and kind of feels like a power move.
-There’s no point of being on a health kick if you’re not obnoxious about it. I’m only on Day 4, but I’m already shaming others for eating poorly and saying things like “You do what you want. Personally, my body is a temple.”
Thank you for time.