Eating Raw Mushrooms With Splenda On The Subway Is A Patently Absurd Move

Well we have finally done it folks! We officially found the sickest son of a bitch to ever take a ride in Satan’s labyrinth. It wasn’t a couple of homeless people getting their fuck on or some asshole licking a pole for attention. In what can only be described as the upset of the century, the most vile person in subway history appears to be a Normal that may actually contribute to society and a full 10/10 on the If You See Something, Say Something Meter.

Eating anything while being surrounded by subway air is gross enough. But raw mushrooms topped with Splenda is a particularly appalling crime against humanity, no matter how much you are looking to cut carbs. I’ve been eating ridiculous meals with food hacks trying to stay in ketosis and shed some LBs. But if I was forced to eat mushrooms and Splenda together on the subway to ensure those keto #gains, I would have to kiss my kids goodbye and accept my fate of an early grave instead of enduring something that vile. And I guarantee this chick is drinking that cup of Starbucks on the subway’s floor. You don’t dabble in the black arts of mushrooms and artificial sweeteners if you give a fuck about the germs on the subway floor. I’d rebuke this woman, but I’m pretty sure she rebuked herself by playing an edible game of Mad Libs with her food on the filthiest place on Earth.