So I woke up this morning and read The Ringer article about how Jeppson’s Malort is re-opening their distillery in Chicago in the coming months. Huge news. Endless content opportunities.
So naturally I invested in a bottle of Malort to celebrate the big day this morning to bring to Barstool Chicago HQ:
Then as fate and fate alone should have it, Eddie write a blog about some cafe up in Old Irving offering a new Malort spiked latte:
and we trudged along the day with my coworkers all showing up LATE AF, I knew I had to set a tone by ambushing them as soon as they walked in this morning/afternoon.
It was kinda similar to Dente ambushing people like 7 years ago in the Milton office back in the OG Barstool days. BTW if you haven’t seen this video below, it’s a glimpse into the past and when Barstool wasn’t quite the juggernaut it is today:
money really does buy good looks
But instead of yelling at them and them telling me to fuck myself, I forced Malort down their throats and they told me to fuck myself.
First up was Chief
I knew he’d instantly cave. He gives into peer pressure easier than anyone on planet earth not named WSD.
Then Eddie trickled in. I knew he’d put up a fight but I also knew he’s all about #content #content #content and he’d give in.
Eddie’s a rascal. Such an affable character. Perfect Chicago stereotype. But then there’s Carl.
Now Carl and I get in arguments here and there. There’s been a few times we’ve threatened each other with violence and have almost gotten in a few fist fights. That’s fine though, obviously love the kid and I know it’s reciprocated, but I knew he was gonna be a complete and total hard ass about the Malort. It’s too bad he was the last one to take the shot because he knew he wouldn’t be able to put up a fight since everyone else has already done it.
The fucking kid didn’t even wince after taking it. That’s fucked up serial killer shit. Someone arrest Carl for pre-crime because he’s about to microwave a rabbit or some shit.
Just look at some of the Malort reaction videos on YouTube:
All in all it was yet another fun day at Barstool Chicago HQ even though it feels like there’s rubbing alcohol painted in my throat. Fucking horrifying.
Like I said we’re going to be doing a ton of shit with Malort now that they’re back in Chicago. Looking forward to consuming Off in a shot glass more than ever.
And wouldn’t ya know it, Carl put up a fight about the Malort.