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Tommy's Thursday Thoughts: Vol. 5 - Knowing The Weather Is Not A Personality Trait


-On Tuesday, in NYC and the northeast, it was a pretty warm day for the winter. I noticed a lot of Instagram/Snapchat stories that featured the weather. Like a picture of the sky that says 63° acting like it’s sooooo crazy. Knowing the weather is not a personality trait. If I wake up in the morning, I’m checking the weather app, not saying “I wonder how it is out today? Let me go check Rebecca’s Instagram story.” It’s like a weird brag saying “Omg it’s the winter in a cold city, but it’s like kind of warm today. Can you fucking believe how crazy my life is?”

-Nobody has ever not looked cool with a toothpick in their mouth.

-I go to a Starbucks around the corner from our office every morning to get coffees for Dave and I. They know me well there. They know my name. They know my usual order. They’ll smile and say “Hey Tom!” They’re like my family. Or so I thought. Last week I was in Atlanta, so obviously wasn’t there all week. I expected a huge welcoming party on Monday. “Hey Tom! Where were you? We haven’t seen you! Is everything OK? We were worried sick!” Not a god damn word. It’s almost like they don’t fucking care about me at all.

-When I’m watching football with a group guys, and we all cheer after a big play – I feel like we’re in a Buffalo Wild Wings Commercial.

-If I was a pro athlete, I’d root hard against the other pro teams in my city. Especially in a city starving for a title, I want to be on the team that gives the fans happiness. Like if I’m on the Vikings, I’m rooting hard against the Twins/Timberwolves/Wild so my team can break the Minnesota championship drought.

-There should be a pornstar called Miss Direction who does sleight-of-hand magic tricks during her porn videos.

-Until today, I would’ve sworn it was “slight”-of-hand magic tricks.

-I want to go on a bit of a health kick. Basically just eat healthier, but I don’t like the word “diet” because it makes me feel like a fat person. I took a few unflattering pictures in Atlanta and can stand to lose a few pounds. But I keep forgetting to weigh myself. I want to do it in the morning on an empty stomach, but I always forget before leaving the house. So I can’t start yet. Need to know your start weight before doing a health kick. If you don’t know what you’re starting at, then what the hell’s the point of dieting?

-I’d love to be a guy who walks around and gives people riddles, but I don’t really know any.

-If you sneeze and can’t hear if someone lowly said “God Bless You” or not, it’s better to just not respond at all. If he/she did say it, not saying “thank you” is pretty rude. But you know what’s more rude? Giving a “thank you” after NOT getting the “God Bless You.” The person will think you’re just being a sarcastic asshole, leading to an awkward and tense situation.