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John Smoltz's Sneaky Snake Tongue Disturbs Me A Lot More Than It Should


Reader Email: John Smoltz tongue action

So im watching the all star legends an celebrity game and all of a sudden that scumbag Brave, John Smoltz sticks his tongue in my face. I cant tell if this is hardo or pedophile city.

Ps. Good to see Jennie Finch is still 100% smoke material.

Creep city: Population, Marmaduke. In all honesty, what the hell was that? There was absolutely no context whatsoever for John Smoltz to stick his tongue out like a Copperhead sensing the heat. The only two explanations I have is either A) John Smoltz is that weird older guy who awkwardly winks at you after they think they say something cute, but got his senses mixed up. Or B) He is in fact a Reptilian walking the Earth. Instead of using his powers to rule the world he selfishly used them to dominate the Phillies for over a decade. The lizard thing would explain him going bald as a coot by the late 20’s. Smart move keeping that hat on, Smoltze.

Have to give credit where credit’s due: Maddux, Glavine, Smoltz (and Avery for about 2 years) may have been the best rotation of all-time. The fact they only won a single WS is one of the most overlooked disappointments in sports history.

PS – Jennie Finch 100% smoke material? Eh, she’s very cute and is definitely one of the tallest midgets in that softball circus full of beasts. But smoke? Not so fast. Don’t hurt me, Jennie.