I Am So Fascinated By Miley Cyrus' Brother

Every so often I am reminded of Miley Cyrus’ brother, Trace, and I am just absolutely fascinated by him. First and foremost, obviously, the tattoos. I love tattoos, have nothing against them whatsoever, but it is always so bizarre to me and I’m always stunned whenever I’m reminded Miley’s brother has his entire body covered with ink. Whenever I see him it always takes me a second to adjust, like I’m looking at one of those 3D puzzles, waiting for a bird to pop out at me.

Whenever I’m asked if I want a tattoo, I say yeah sure, but I’ve never been sure enough about it to pull the trigger. Meanwhile ol’ Trace Cyrus is over here with his entire body covered before his Bar Mitzvah. The kid was literally getting face tattoos before his junior prom. Oh, and he hates the new crop of kids getting their face tattooed.

If Trace Cyrus was getting face tattoos before it was cool…was it ever cool to begin with? Something to think about.

The other thing is Trace was the singer of one of the poppiest hits of the previous decade.

Do we just forget that’s Miley’s face tattooed brother?

Oh and he was banging the asian chick from Suite Life and Social Network for a while.

Folks, don’t let your kids grow up to be Disney Stars.

And now he’s engaged to this chick,

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who has his name tattooed firmly on her ass.

Fascinating life. Absolutely fascinating.

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Meanwhile, sweet sweet Miley, how I love thee.

Just such a fascinating family. We watched the ups and downs of Miley, from kid star, to pop singer with banger after banger (Party in the USA and The Climb are smashessssss), to absolute wild child who did the whole cut her hair/do drugs/piss in parking lots, to now nice homebody, married young lady.

And who knows what’s going on with that sister of theirs. Just kinda spitballing here, just went down a rabbit hole on that Lil Xan fella’s Instagram, I now take back what I said about face tattoos before. I think Trace Cyrus had a point, and I think he was talking about this fucker

Dude you’re like 13, what the fuck is this? You should be required to get a retainer before you’re allowed to start getting blood tattooed under your eyes. This is the guy that claims he went to the hospital because he ate too many flaming hot Cheetos. Good grief. He makes Trace Cyrus look like Biggie.

Oh and not to state the obvious, but their father is god damn Billy Ray Cyrus! The kids these days won’t even realize that he was kindaaaa a big deal back in the day. Achy Breaky Heart ring a bell? And his world famous mullet?

And then he went on and made Miley and co. What an amazing world we live in.