Urine Trouble: Sailor Lights His Own Piss Sample On Fire So He Wont Get In Trouble And Ends Up Getting Charged With Felony Arson

A sailor based in Virginia set fire to his urine samples to prevent the results of a pee test being used against him, military prosecutors allege.

Logistics Specialist 3rd Class Curtis Dajuan Johnson faces a court-martial trial for “setting fire to urine samples” on May 1, 2017 at Naval Air Station Oceana “to prevent the results of said urinalysis from being used against him at an adverse administrative proceeding,” according to charge sheets provided to Navy Times.

Prosecutors charged Johnson with one specification of wrongful interference with an adverse administrative proceeding for allegedly trying to incinerate the bodily fluids.

He also faces an aggravated arson charge for allegedly setting the fire in an occupied, unidentified building “without proper authority,” the charge sheet states.

If you’re in the building that your piss is in, why not just steal the piss? Seems a lot easier than setting a building on fire. Just do a little piss lifting. It’s a lot less risky.

Also, piss is wet so therefore it doesn’t burn easily. On second thought, gasoline is wet and it burns fine. Maybe piss does burn pretty well and I’m just not aware of it. I dunno but that isnt what this whole thing is about. It’s about setting your piss on fire to avoid getting caught with drugs in your system. Dont do that, please.

Anyway, a new episode of Zero Blog Thirty drops tomorrow morning. If you haven’t listened to Friday’s yet, it’s a good one. We have a Hank Goff on the show to talk about his life as an NCAA football player, a college dropout, a Machine Gunner, and back to an All American football player all while dealing with the losses of one of the most heavily hit battalions of the war in Afganistan.