Kai The Homeless Hitchhiker Hatchet Man Is Straight Fake Life

NewsTribune — A Pacific Gas & Electric worker rammed by a driver from Tacoma has a broken leg and will need to remain in Community Regional Medical Center for a couple of more days, officials say. The 37-year-old worker, who has been with PG&E for five years, asked not to be identified. He was talking to family members and in good spirits Saturday, said Denny Boyles, PG&E spokesman. “It’s not his belief that anyone should be angry with the driver,” Boyles said. “He just hopes the man gets the help he needs.” Fresno County sheriff’s deputies arrested Jett Simmons McBride, 54, of Tacoma on suspicion of ramming his car into the worker. McBride was booked into the Fresno County Jail early Saturday on suspicion of attempted murder. His bail was set at $1 million. According to sheriff’s officials: About 2 p.m. Friday, McBride drove his car toward a PG&E work crew, wedging workers between two vehicles west of Highway 99 in Fresno. McBride had picked up a hitchhiker, who said McBride was making racist remarks when he came upon the PG&E workers, one of whom was black. Police say McBride lodged the black worker between his car and the work truck, got out of his car and began beating the worker and attacking others who tried to stop him. The hitchhiker then got out of the car and started hitting McBride with a hatchet, officials said. Witnesses say the hitchhiker eventually knocked out McBride, who is 6 feet 4 and weighs 290 pounds, according to jail records.

I’ll be perfectly honest, I thought this was all fake. Thought it was just some hoax to try to go viral. I mean look at that asshole reporter. He’s wearing 2 watches and a fake FOX polo thats tucked in only in the front like I used to do with Tommy Hilfiger shirts in the mid 90s.   I “did some research” AKA did 1 or 2 Google searches because I was skeptical about it all. He’s not a real reporter or anything. Just a jabroni who runs around trying to do his own newscasts before the real people get there. He’s tweeting and commenting on all the Youtube videos like a schoolgirl. But apparently all this shit did actually happen. Some 6 foot 4 300 pound man ran down some black dude and Kai the Homeless Hitchhiker Hatchet Man saved some woman’s life by attacking him with an axe. No word on whether that dude actually raped a 14 year old in the Virgin Islands but I guess there’s no reason to doubt Kai if he’s telling the truth about everything else.

So congrats to Kai. Not only is he a hero for saving that girl, but he’s officially dethroned Uncle Buck for the most famous hatchet scene of all time.

“Smash, Smash, SUH-MASH” is the new “Not to kill, no. Just to maim.”