Hide Yo Daughters, Hide Yo Wife! Pat The Bat Is In Philly Tonight!

.@SmittyBarstool Are we 100% sure that wasn't Pat The Bat in the window of the Piazza?

— GM Kev (@GMKevv) June 23, 2014

CSN - A couple of old friends helped Jimmy Rollins celebrate his new title. Former Phillies Pat Burrell, Marlon Anderson, Mike Lieberthal and Bobby Abreu were on hand prior to Monday’s game against Miami for a ceremony honoring Rollins’ status as the Phillies’ new hits leader. All wore Phillies jerseys, including Abreu, who is currently roaming the outfield for the Mets. A collection of athletes and celebrities, including LeSean McCoy, Derek Jeter and Charles Barkley, also congratulated Rollins in a video tribute. The Phillies awarded Rollins and his wife Johari with matching Gucci luggage and an all-expenses paid trip to Italy.

So many questions, so little time. 1st off, Abreu STILL plays for the Mets so A) Why/How is he in Philly tonight honoring Rollins? And B) Why does he look like he should be managing a tamale stand at a back alley cockfight? Also, that was the first time I’ve even thought of Mike Liebrethal and Marlon Anderson in a good 10 years. Actually half surprised Marlon is still alive to be honest with you. Finally, it’s nice to see they rewarded Jimmy and his wife with a sweet $10K+ worth of luggage and Italian adventure. Always brings a smile to my face when millionaires are given free things.

But the fact of the matter is (other than the Phillies being shut out at home AGAIN), Burrell is back in town and will be taking no prisoners. Hide any woman you don’t want seeded planted in tonight, because Pat The Bat is on the loose. That purple polo is dripping sex. Hopefully we’ll hear of a couple new legends before he skips town along with a new batch of paternity suits. Don’t be nervous…You’re about to fuck Pat The Bat.

Odds on where you can find Pat Burrell tonight:

Manayunk: 10/1

Irish Pub: 5/1

Your Girlfriend’s Bed: 1/1000