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Nothing But Respect For The Guy Who Won $1 On Scratch-Offs And Demanded A Big Check

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DES MOINES, Iowa — Tyler Heep was not a big winner, but he still wanted the big check. The metro man says he cashed in some change from his car last week and used it to buy some scratch-off lottery tickets. When he scratched off a $1 winner he decided to cash it in just like the jackpot winners do, so he headed to Iowa Lottery headquarters. When he asked for a big check for his ‘big’ prize, he was surprised when the Lottery agreed to it. “They decided to treat me like a million dollar winner,” Heep says, “The guy came down the stairs and they took me into the back room where the camera was with the Iowa Lottery logo. Sure enough they wrote me the one dollar check and had me hold it up and took the picture.”

Yup. That’s how you do it. That’s how you live your best life. Big check life. Everybody wants to find themselves in a scenario where they get one of those big checks yet a very very very small percentage of the population gets the opportunity to cheese in front of a big check. It’s a damn shame is what it is. So what do you do when the opportunity doesn’t present itself? You make the opportunity present itself. You demand that the lottery give you a big check so you can feel like a big winner.

That might be a bad precedent for the Iowa Lottery to set because now every rascal who wins any amount on a scratch-off is gonna want a giant check but who cares. It’s good publicity for them. Although I doubt the Iowa Lottery needs any publicity. Is there any product more bullet proof than the lottery? Booze maybe. Prostitution probably. Those are the KG, Paul Pierce and Ray Allen of bullet proof products. Gambling, booze and sex. Those three things are never ever going out of style no matter what happens. Nuclear war could break put tomorrow, the entire world could turn into the set of the Book Of Eli and people would still be having sex while drunk with a pile of failed scratch-offs next to their bed.