Honeydew Should Not Be Allowed To Call Itself Fruit

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I love fruit! I eat an apple every single day. I try my best to eat as much fruit as I possibly can because a) afraid of getting scurvy and b) I don’t eat enough vegetables, probably. I don’t know. I don’t know how to cook, so cooking vegetables is wayyyy out of my comfort zone. Anyways, I digress. I eat a lot of fruit. Pineapple is my favorite, followed very closely by peach.

Today, I got a nice little fruit cup from Panera. It had pineapple, grapes, cantaloupe, and honeydew. The grapes and pineapple were on the top, so of course I ate them first. Naturally. All that’s left now is the melon. And listen, I’ve never loved melon, but I’ve never hated it either. Today, after eating the superior fruits, my honeydew simply paled in comparison.

I’m not going to tell you honeydew is BAD, I’m just not going to let everyone sit here and pretend it’s as good as other fruits. It shouldn’t be int he same category. It’s like how tomato is technically a fruit. Yes, it’s a fruit, but it’s not a fruit. No one is shoving that bad boy into a fruit salad. No one is eating an apple tomato smoothie. Unless V-8 makes that. I don’t know. Side note- have you noticed no one puts honeydew in smoothies? That’s because it has no flavor and no business in a smoothie. I would doubt it has any nutritional value, either.

Honeydew tastes identical to if you marinated jicama in watermelon juice and it has pretty much the same consistency. I say we strike it from the fruit lexicon immediately. It has no business acting like a fruit and it knows it, too, the smug bastard.