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Asshole Bride Makes Everyone Do A Math Equation To Find Their Reception Seat

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Daily Mail-  Drawing up a seating plan for a wedding reception can be one of the biggest headaches, but one bride-to-be has come up with a unique way to resolve it – by making her guests complete a maths test. 

A mathematician bride-to-be, believed to be from the UK, has revealed her wedding will be ‘perfused with mathematical titbits’ and that guests will have to solve a problem to find out where they sit. 

Holy shit. I’ve read about a lot of asshole brides on twitter, like the one that wanted everyone to donate 1500 dollars to her or the bride that wanted everyone color-coded (by weight, age, and gender). To an extent I sympathize with the bridezilla mindset. Many little girls grow up with this idea that they will, at some point in their life, attend a ball and dance with a handsome man. And when it never happens organically, we pin our hopes on our wedding. I’m not condoning acting like a dick, but I kind of get it.

But this shit. Thiiis shit. Look, they’re both mathematicians and so they like math, and many of their friends are likely intellectuals. But what the fuck. You’re going to make me do math to find my seat? Fuck you. And it’s not like 4+4, it’s fancy math that I can’t even name because the highest math I made it to was like Algebra 2. The nightmare of going to that wedding as a normal plebeian without a degree in mathematics is unspeakable.

Also, the facebook post says they’ll come up with questions based on what they think their friends’ specific mathematical backgrounds are, which can only lead to offending people. Like, do you want to know how smart your friends think you are? I don’t. It’s like if I was getting married and I assigned a specific book to guests based on what I thought their reading level was and I gave one person Anna Karenina and another The Very Hungry Caterpillar. Imagine you got The Very Hungry Caterpillar. That’s how I would feel at the math wedding.

Basically, I think this bride is a douche. Math is objectively the worst and to theme your entire wedding around it is a busted move. It’s a good thing these two crazy kids found each other, because they have definitely been fucking graphing calculators their entire lives instead of other breathing human beings.