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Sometimes You Just Have To Literally Drag Your Kid Through The Airport

I’m sure this video will inspire the typical outrage that comes with a viral video during the 2010s, but I applaud that dad for treating his kid like a Samsonite. You know why? Because little kids are terrorists in your house. They make demands, act like maniacs when they don’t get their way, and simply cannot be reasoned with. Sure they are cute as hell, but that is their natural defense mechanism given by God so their parents don’t abandon their asses for the countless acts of terror they unleash upon us. Your entire life’s motto from the day you get home from the hospital with your little bundle of joy is Survive and Advance, which doesn’t even begin to cover what it’s like flying with kids. Flying sucks enough when you are solo and have the corporate card to load up on beers and the finest food the airport Chili’s has to offer. Throwing well behaved kids into the mix can quickly turn that into a nightmare, let alone if one of them attempts a sit-in like Gandhi. If I had to guess, I would say this girl was upset that her dad didn’t buy her a bedazzled hat that said Washington DC on it for the low low airport price of $55.95 and turned into a human paper weight when her dad said no. Luckily years of being a dad had this guy ready to think on his feet with an I Don’t Give A Fuck What Anyone Thinks Right Now mindset that every parent needs to survive the mental warfare little kids engage in on a daily basis and figured dragging his daughter on the smooth airport floor was a better option than holding her in his free arm while he lugs his suitcase as his current favorite kid follows in tow. I’m actually shocked we haven’t seen Philip Rivers pull a move like this yet as he entered an NFL stadium before a game. Someone sent me this tweet yesterday and my mind is still blown at the mere thought of it.

I have a 4-year-old and a 9-month-old that have straight up shattered my brain into a billion pieces and I barely have a real job. Sure Rivers is rich as fuck, can afford to pay for the finest nannies in the world, and has such a large brood that the older ones can start watching the younger ones. But sometimes you just need the bolo tie wearing patriarch of the family to drag one of the kids on their ass to remind them who’s boss. So hats off to this weary traveler for turning his kid into luggage so he could make it back home where his kids will continue to rule his life until the glorious day they ship the fuck out to college.

*Okay the end of that last sentence was pretty mean, but I am questioning why the hell I ever wanted to become a parent these days with an average of 3 hours of sleep the last month, I’m pretty sure I will be a noodle brain until at least July, and some fat asshole from the North Pole got almost all of the credit for everything good that happened during the month of December.