The Indianapolis Colts Are Going To The Divisional Playoffs Because Of Me
You can’t make this controversy up. DoltGate is taking this team to the Super Bowl. For those of you who forget or don’t care, I wrote a blog on October 15th, after the New York Jets game jokingly calling the Colts the “Dolts” after losing and becoming 1-5. The following day, I got released. To the Indianapolis Colts, I once again apologize for what I said, and you’re welcome. My first 3 years working as a ball boy from 2015-2018, we missed the playoffs. After being released, we have been 10-1 and now heading to Kansas City for the Divisional Playoffs. Ballard, Reich, Luck, and I have changed this organization for the better.
Many fans believed Ryan Grigson was the problem, so we got rid of him. Nothing changed. By the way, Grigson just joined the Raiders staff 2 days ago. It’s not confirmed what his position is, but if I were Mark Davis, I would just have him grab the kickoff tee after every kickoff. Can’t mess that job up. Many believed Chuck Pagano was the problem, so we got rid of him. Wasn’t him. Reich started out 1-5 this season. Turns out it was just a ball boy. A somewhat functioning miracle some may say. I firmly believe crucifying myself will cure cancer.
The Boys in Blue are on fire though. Andrew Luck is stating his case for comeback player of the year, along with soon to be defensive rookie of the year Darius Leonard if Derwin James doesn’t rob him, along with head coach of the year Frank Reich, and executive of the year Chris Ballard. This is non-biased by the way, just facts. Being 4-12 last year and using the roster Ballard was left with by Grigson in a year has been remarkable. I’ll admit, I was a little upset with drafting Leonard with the 2nd pick. So was 99% of Indiana. Ballard’s draft picks including Quenton Nelson, Braden Smith, Kemoko Turray, and Nyheim Hines have been fantastic.
The most surprising players on the offense to me have been Marlon Mack and Dontrelle Inman. Marlon has rushed over 100 yards his last 2 games. Sure, it’s been against 2 AFC South teams, but the Colts haven’t been known as a running team since 2005 when Edgerrin James was playing. Dontrelle Inman was a sneaky pickup as he has been recording 1 touchdown the past 3 games.
This section is dedicated to Quenton Nelson, the pancake master. Lineman are people too, and this just summarizes his whole season so far.
Was it a holding? Who the hell cares, it’s football. 
The surprising stars on the defense have been Kenny Moore and Pierre Desir. DB’s were one of the most worried positions. Actually, damn near every position on the team was a worry besides Rigo Sanchez’s and Vinatieri’s. Colts got Kenny as a free agent in 2017 and has progressively gotten better. This year he has had 77 combined tackles, 1.5 sacks, and 3 INTs. For how small he is, Kenny We Want Moore has been flashy. As well as Desir who put the clamps on Hopkins on Saturday.
Saturday is going to be a shootout between Luck and Mahomes. I really hope NFL Films mics both of them up and make a montage of their voices going back and forth. Video would go viral. Battle of the vocal chords baby. If you are going to bet on a team, it better be the Boys in Blue. I am a walking miracle. I can’t squat that much but my back will carry this team to the Super Bowl, on God. DoltGate is still alive and won’t die until I die, which should be in about 18 years according to my doctors. Go Colts.
