PSA: If You Use Loofah Sponges To Clean Yourself, You're Fucking Gross

How many of you out there scrub your naked bodies with loofahs? How many of you think you’re fancy for using a sea sponge to scrub and exfoliate yourself? And how many of you feel extra-clean when you use it because you feel like all your dead skin has been scrubbed away?

Well all of you are wrong and disgusting.

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What you’re actually bathing with is a dried up, ol’ cucumber. It did not come from the sea, it was raised on a farm and then sold to you – the fool – under the assumption it’s wonderful for your skin because it’s natural. It’s not. Loofahs are the ultimate breeding ground for bacteria.

When you lather up to exfoliate by scrubbing away dead skin cells, they get caught in the nooks and folds of the sponge. The humid, damp, and relatively undisturbed environment of the shower allows the bacteria to multiply before your next rinse.

“You spread the bacteria that you washed off your body the last time,” Dr. Michele Green confirms. “The loofah is spreading yesterday’s dirt back on your body.”

Think about how sweaty and smelly your shaft is after a workout. You step into the shower to get your loofah scrub on, post-workout, feeling pretty good about yourself for getting extra soapy and fragrant. Now think about all that ass/balls juice festering in a sponge, multiplying, and then multiplying some more. The next day you step into the shower to get ready for a hot date, thinking you’re using your loofah to scrub the workday away when what you’re actually doing is spreading multiplied ass/balls liquid all over your body.

Your neck where you hope she’ll be licking later? Balls juice. Your nipples where you hope she’ll be nibbling later? Hairy butt hole juice.

Mmmmm.

Ben Stiller had it right: loofahs belong in the toilet.