This Fake Food Advertisement Stuff Is Bonkers

Have you guys seen this shit?? I feel so betrayed, so lied to, so deceived, so led on. This is like finding out Santa isn’t real, or finding out your dad has a second family. It’s the dark, seedy underbelly of food that no one needed to know. Just like how no one wants to know how the sausage gets made, no one needs to know what goes into those mouthwatering food photographs we all love so much.

I love food photographs. I follow a shit ton of food blogs on instagram just to look at it. I follow an account called Burger Junkies because I just like looking at pictures of cheeseburgers. In high school, I used to go on a website called “food porn daily” (which is still up and running, by the way) that was just pictures of incredible food photographed in mouth-watering ways. Finding out that at least some of this shit is fake or at least manufactured hurts me more than you could ever know.

The worst offender was definitely the pancakes. I can’t tell you how many iHop ads I’ve salivated over in my lifetime. Finding out they’re propping up pancakes with cardboard? And then pouring motor oil on it instead of syrup? Or how about that ungodly mix that creates fake ice cream? Or the fact that they appear to soak tampons in boiling water to create steam for food? All of this is a nightmare and you can’t tell me differently.

All that being said, however, I don’t want to see the real pictures. They’re very ugly. I’m just going to go on believing that these pictures are real so that I can still enjoy the beauty, the majesty, the deliciousness of food photographs. You can’t ruin my burgers. You can’t ruin my pancakes. Give me food photographs or give me death.