Attention-Starved Husband Selfishly Upstages Wife During Her Big Book Tour

CNN- The former president showed up with a bouquet of flowers during the promotional event for his wife’s memoir, “Becoming,” in the nation’s capital on Saturday night.

“This is like – you know when Jay-Z comes out during the Beyoncé concert? … Like, Crazy in Love?” he said, referring to instances when the rapper appears at his wife’s concerts during performances of her famous song. “It’s the same thing. It’s just a little sample to enhance the concert.”

When the former president appeared on stage, an audience member yelled, “we miss you!” as the crowd cheered. 

Jesus Christ Barack. This guy had the goddamn presidency for eight years while his wife dutifully stood by his side, leading her own initiatives and supporting him through thick and thin. Even as he went from a hard 8 to a soft 7, she maintained her angelic poise and steadfast dignity. Now, she’s finally stepping into her own spotlight with a book that sprinted out to #1 on all bestseller lists. Her tour sold out FAST and tickets are skyrocketing, though you can still find some decent seats on People are tossing her name around as a possible candidate for President someday. She’s one of the most respected women on the planet.

And Barack can’t handle it. Dude just couldn’t let his wife have the shine. Walked out there with a bouquet of flowers and his tail between his legs. Knows he’s supposed to stay put in the green room, snacking on pretzels and drinking seltzer as the feed plays on a small flatscreen in the corner. But he heard the roars, heard the people stomping their feet in the bleachers for his wife, and he missed it. It’s been two years since he left office and no number of luncheon speeches at private functions for $100,000+ can match the feeling of rallying a group of 20,000 women, all of whom have attended a live taping of Ellen at one point.

So out he went. He sat down on the arm of her chair so as to appear taller than Michelle. She’s 5’11” and he’s 6’1”, so this has always been an issue for him when she wears heels. “1.5 INCHES OR LESS, MICHELLE,” he reminds her, chewing furiously through a pack of nicotine gum. First words out of his mouth, he compares himself to Jay Z—one of the greatest rappers ever. Sheeeeeesh. “Surprise guest” indeed.