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I Almost Got Killed By A 100MPH Fastball This Morning

So this happened this morning:

And since then the internet has had a field day at my expense:

I was gonna blog this earlier but I was in concussion protocol for the majority of the day; I’ve had the worst headache all afternoon. Whether that’s from being hungover after boozing all night, or taking a basketball off my massive dome thrown by Super Bowl Champion Willie Colon, I’m not sure. But I’ve seen the chirps online, and I’ve certainly heard the peanut gallery & I’m here to state a few facts. A few facts that I thought ANY rational person would CLEARLY see when watching the footage, but for some reason are being blatantly disregarded.

  • I didn’t have my glasses on (depth perception… ever heard of it?)
  • The lighting was bad so I couldn’t pick up the ball (Outfielders make this mistake all the time)
  • It was thrown a million miles per hour

Now I know what you’re gonna say, “oh Zah shut up stop making excuses” I know that because I had to spend the whole day hopping on radio show after radio show to defend my honor. Our beloved Big Cat went exactly for that low hanging fruit earlier on the Yak. My idiot friends in Tampa just want me to put my hand up say, “It’s on me I’ll do better next time” & just take my “L”. If any of these buffoons took the time to watch the footage from a neutral and objective standpoint, they’d know there is no “L” to take. The haters were really having a field day with this one, but what they’re all flat out refusing to acknowledge is that if you throw a 50mph change up and follow it up with 101 mph Chin music, not even AL MVP Mookie Betts would catch up to it. So for all you cube monkeys out there spreading the Zah has bad hands narrative, you’re simply incorrect. No one catches that ball. Not Randy Moss, Not Larry Fitzgerald. Nobody.

Another thing that I wasn’t even going to mention is my integrity throughout this whole debacle. This happened early this morning so only the Breakfast crew was really around in the office. Since it was so early I was the only one who was capable of pulling the eye-in-the-sky footage, which has now become famous. I could have buried it, never letting it see the light of day – but instead I sent it to Pat & the rest is history. So if we are being fair here, yeah you can have your laughs- shit I laughed too, it’s a funny clip. But once you’re done laughing you should honestly take a second and thank me for my integrity and for making your cube monkey’s Friday.

Have a weekend everybody. Shout out to the Vape God.

P.S – Underrated funniest part of the video is Willie trying to get up, with those shot knees of his.