Go Nut November: Two Snacks Vie For My Love & One Gets Real Fresh

Holy shit, Mr. Peanut!

Well, if it’s not going to be a real humans it might as well be these total snaccs…
But how do I pick between the two as they vie for my love?

CORN NUTS:

PROS:
-Total wildcard. Always been hoping someone would finally come in ranch.
-Fun in bed, at the office, in the morning, whenever. There’s never a bad time.
-Promotes a healthy lifestyle because there’s some sort of veggie involved?

CONS:
-You usually gotta spit.. After the flavor wears off it hurts my teeth.
-Not actually a colonel. Misunderstood & turns out it’s a ‘kernel’. Don’t think there’s a lot of money or status in that.
-Apparently these are not actually nuts? Bad for my trust issues.

MR. PEANUTS:

PROS:
-He’s got a monocle, a mustache & a top hat so he’s probably got health insurance. Plus he’s clearly mature.
-Lookin’ like a snacc.
-Confidence: Offering a mature nut on the first Tweet is a bold move, and Cotton, it may have paid off.

CONS:
-Can’t bring him to the Jersey shore this summer, too many cousins allergic.
-Takes too much work to get to the nut & I don’t want to be cleaning up the mess.
-Salty. Can’t have that negative energy in my life.

How do I choose? How do I chooooose?! Agh, still not sure. A quick fling vs. a mature nut… Don’t want make the folks at Big Nut angry during the strain of no nut November.