Kayce Asked Me To Elaborate On My Stripper Costume For This Year

On Halloween I always try to challenge myself creatively & turn something inherently not sexy into something that’ll blow a guy’s dick off, and I think over the years I’ve been pretty successful with that.

(*I have gone home alone 100% of the time.)

For that last one all I had to do was ask if anyone wanted to turn me on.

(*They did not.)

But yeah, despite my best efforts I’ve never really pulled off a legit sexy costume. So when Kayce came up to me yesterday asking what I’d wear if I was a stripper for Halloween (thanks to Mike Leach for being her inspiration for that blog) it was a good chance to really let the ‘ol mind flow.

I wound up way overthinking it as I do compulsively with everything in life, and it turns out I completely misunderstood the question. I thought she was asking me what I’d wear if I were a stripper who had to perform on Halloween, not “what would you wear to look like a stripper”. Either way, I wound up falling in love with the idea of being a stripper who was dressed up as a flight attendant & then sent her a very weird email.

She asked that I share my vision because it would make her blog too long (weird) to include in hers, so here’s my big game plan. And if you’re a stripper out there (more power to ya) feel free to use it:

Kayce,

I’ve given this a lot of thought & I’m going with Sexy Flight Attendant Stripper.

::SCENE::

Smoke from dry ice fills the stage & as it clears I’m standing there in something like this (but with way bigger underwear):

As music quietly starts to play (Highway to the Danger Zone) I give my safety brief with a small handheld flight attendant microphone.

“Ladies & gentlemen, the Captain has turned on the Loosen Your Belt sign. If you haven’t already done so, please stow your dollar bills underneath my seat cushions or overchest bins.

::POINTS TO BUTT & BOOBS::

And also make sure your seat back… and big ‘ol boner… are in their full upright position.

::WINK::

I’ll be coming down the aisles with a snack for you soon.

::LIGHTS GO OUT::

::WHEN THEY COME BACK ON I’M DOWN AMONG THE PEOPLE HANDING OUT TINY SHOT BOTTLES THAT I’VE BEEN HIDING UNDER MY BOOBS::

::IN THIS SCENARIO I HAVE BOOBS THAT ARE CAPABLE OF DOING THAT::

Then I get on stage & CRUSH IT to that G6 airplane song while 2 sexy pilots come out & grind on me.

Wow, I really got carried away here.

Sincerely,
Kate