Here Are The Top 5 Goals From The NHL Last Night (10/30/18)
Did the Flyers have a 10pm puck drop last night that didn’t end until after midnight? Yes they did. Am I still awake to make sure I get this blog up by 8:15am? Yes I am. Does that make me a hero? That’s not for me to decide but I’m hearing some rumblings right now that it does. But when you love the game more than your body needs sleep to survive, it’s hard to even consider this work. So I don’t need everybody to thank me for my service or anything this morning. But I would love if everybody could stop bitching about having to click ‘play’ a couple times in order to get the videos to work. That’s your fault for using AdBlock. GIFs are included for all 5 goals either way. Let’s get to it.
5. Brendan Gallagher. CEO of Hard Dick Hockey
Listen. I know that you guys are used to seeing filthy highlight reel goals on this blog series. But this goal right here isn’t for you. This goal right here is for all the boys and girls watching back home who are dreaming of one day becoming a professional hockey player. You want to make a living out of playing puck? Sometimes ya gotta get nice and greasy. We can’t all be Connor McDavid (more on that in a little) out there. Some of us need to just get our ass to the high traffic areas on the the ice and make things happen with pure heart alone. This is the definition of hard dick hockey. Brian Gallagher gets himself to the front of the net, goes hard for a rebound, ends up essentially tea bagging Ben Bishop, keeps his arms up in the air to show “NO TOUCHING! NO TOUCHING!”, and it’s in the back of the net. It’s not a pretty goal but it counts just as much of a goal as the rest of the ones you’re about to see here. Sometimes we need to reward hard dick hockey even though it’s not always the sexiest brand of hockey. Sue me for being able to find the highlights in grit.
4. Welcome To The Snipe Show. Today’s Main Event: Miro Heiskanen
You guys ever heard of Carey Price before? In case you haven’t, he’s a pretty decent goaltender in the National Hockey League. He’s currently 2nd all-time for wins in Montreal Canadiens history. In doing so, he passed a guy named Patrick Roy who–again–is a pretty decent goalie. So Carey Price is one of the best in the league at keeping the puck out of the net, and Miro Heiskanen is a 19-year-old rookie who won’t turn 20 until well after the season. On paper it would say that Price probably has the advantage here. But on the ice?
Holy shit, bud. That’s just rude. That snipe was in the back of the net for about 0.0001 seconds. Price didn’t even have a chance to look behind him to admire the placement before that puck came rocketing back out off the back bar. Pretty sure the puck went off the back bar and then right back up to center ice for the ensuing faceoff. Glove side, too. Fancy little bastard.
3. Connor McDavid Is The Fastest Kid Alive
Ryan Suter played in his 1000th career NHL game on Saturday night. If we’re being completely honest, he probably should have retired after game #1000. Because last night was game 1,002 for Suter and this right here is a “yeah, maybe it’s time to hang ‘em up” type of moment for one of the top defensemen in the league. If you have any small children around right now, I suggest covering up their eyes because you don’t want them to witness this brutal murder.
This is what a tired Connor McDavid looks like. He had already played a full shift. If the puck didn’t come out directly to him, he probably would have gotten off the ice for a line change right here. But instead he settles down a bouncing puck at the red line, absolutely torches Suter at the blueline, and then gives Stalock a free roof job. Suter would go on to have assists on both the game-tying and game-winning goal for Minnesota. But there needs to be a graveyard or something filled with all the defensemen who have gotten turnstiled by McDavid at the blueline.
Advertisement
2. Derek Stepan From Downtown Phoenix
Can’t wait to hear all about this one from Biz on Thursday’s episode of Chiclets. Looks like he’s been force feeding some Eagle Energy down the boys after they looked like the worst team ever through the first 5 games of the season because the Yotes have been on fire lately. Also looks like he poured Mike Condon an extra strong Pink Whitney before the game last night because holy shit this is rough. Derek Stepan. Shorthanded. From 115 feet away.
Incredibly embarrassing and unforgivable goal against for Mike Condon? Or a fucking heater of a snipe bomb from Derek Stepan? You be the judge.
1. Ryan “The Hartbreak Kid” Hartman
*Dah-nuh-nuh, Dah-nuh-nuh*
Now I’m not 100% how this works legally or anything but I’m pretty sure that Colin Miller should be forced to call Ryan Hartman his daddy from here on out. Because make no mistake about it–even though it was Subban getting dunked on at the end, Colin Miller is the one who is going to want this highlight scrubbed from the internet forever. Watch how Ryan Hartman sells the fake shot, gets Miller to stop his feet and throw a poke check, then Hartman just walks right around Miller and gives him the best seat in the house to enjoy the show. Then a nice little forehand, backhand, tucks it upstairs to make sure Subban never even had a chance of stopping that one. Beauty of a goal right there and to top it all off? He scored again 57 seconds later.