Last night marked the 3rd time in the team’s history a Buffalo Bills fan has thrown a dildo onto the field.
It was great for a laugh & if a big ‘ol dong doesn’t get even the smallest smile out of you while your team is getting f*cked on the field (by the Patriots no less), you might be a little dead inside. For a team that needs some joy, I was thinking maybe it would help to diversify & expand their arsenal. Here’s my top 5 ideas for other toys they could toss:
1) “Wide Hook To The Right”
You don’t need Norwood if you’re workin’ with more-wood & this delicate pyrex glass G-spot finder goes wide & to the right to help you score. Warning – might be a sore spot for some fans. Only $32.99.
2) “LaBatt Blue Balls”
These Hetam-brand blue, glass anal balls go great with a Gennesee Cream-Jeans Ale out at the tailgate & would be perfect to roll into any hole on the field (and off!). Perfect to throw when you think you’re about to win and then… ughhh, ughhhh, ughhhhh shit, ya lost. $14.99.
4) “Table Top Double Delight”
Be sure to bow to the King Cock Double Penetration 8.5″ Impaler before you suction it down onto the top of your folding table & hop off your ’88 Chevy Astro. A ref trying to get this sucker out of the end zone will see more tumbling than a strong onside kick. $15.30 from Betty’s Toy Box.
5) “Grass Lot To Ass Lot”
Bills fans are known for partying hard in the Grass Lot. Now you can enjoy that vibe in the Ass Lot, even if you get into a little mud. This $30.00 goal post butt-plug cums complete with flickable footballs & is available on ETSY for only $30.00.
Billdos, I look forward to seeing what you come up with out there & am sure you’ll keep the Patriots on their toes. In the meantime, keep those kielbasas toasty out there.